In The Dark
by Synbou
Summary: After being hit by an energy wave, Voyager's crew are assessing the extent of the damage, and trying to keep Tom alive. P/T the final chapter
1. He Could See The Light

Disclaimer: Yes. Here it comes, the legal stuff: Paramount owns  
them, Synbou just kidnaped them for the fun of it. For their  
part, Vale and Darven are ours, (considering that Synbou needed  
some additional crew complement). This is 1/5 part story, that is  
set a few months after our previous one, *Neoplasm*. (That was  
after *Vis-a-vis*). The story is P/T and rated G.  
  
SYNOPSIS: After being hit by an energy wave, Voyager's crew are  
assessing the extent of the damage, and try to keep Tom alive.  
  
In The Dark, part 1: He Could See The Light.  
By Synbou  
Synbou@hotmail.com  
  
  
Lieutenant Tom Paris was pleased at how well he was handling  
Voyager. The ship had entered an asteroid field about two hours  
earlier. By doing so, they were saving themselves almost three  
months of travel. It was a risk, but Captain Janeway had decided  
that it was an acceptable one.  
  
The pilot was getting tired, but he knew it was almost over. Tom  
had been thrilled by the challenge at first. However, he would  
never have admitted to a single soul that he was somewhat happy  
that it would end soon. His fingers were aching, along with his  
neck and back. And, because of his discomfort, he needed to pay  
more attention. He was also losing touch with some of the other  
activities on the bridge -- and for that matter, most of the  
people, too. The first one he had turned off -- so to speak --   
had been Tuvok. The Vulcan had been the backseat driver for a  
little too long. Thank God for Captain Janeway's perception and she  
had actually quieted the chief of security, letting Tom work in  
peace. With a smile, he finally announced:  
  
"There goes the last rock, Captain. We just cleared the barrier."  
  
"Good work, Tom," Janeway told him with a smile he could feel, but  
not see. "Resume our original course at warp 6."  
  
"Aye, Captain," he acknowledged, his hand already entering the  
commands in the control buffer. He had to wait a little longer  
before passing from impulse to warp, so he closed his eyes for a  
split second. Then, he snapped back to attention when he hear an  
alarm go off.   
  
"Captain! There is an incoming energy wave originating from the  
barrier," called Harry Kim from the Ops station.   
  
"Confirmed," said Tuvok. "Impact in four seconds."  
  
*Where the hell did that come from!* Tom wondered.  
  
"Brace for impact!" Chakotay called.  
  
Before they could do anything, Voyager was thrown forward by the   
wave. Paris came quickly out of the initial shock realizing that  
they were actually surfing on it -- a thought that was somewhat  
pleasing to him. He felt the velocity decrease, but had not  
expected the ship to sink in the wave as quickly as it did. The  
wave dissipated throughout the ship which caused consoles to blow  
up. The pilot managed to cut all propulsion power before it came to  
his console. And a bright light brought Tom Paris to darkness.   
  
***  
  
"Status report!" called Captain Janeway as she got back to her  
feet. The bridge was in the dim light of the red alert. Smoke was  
filling the air. Rapidly, she searched for her crew in a circular  
manner. Making eye contact with all of them reassured her. She  
first saw Commander Chakotay painfully making his way back into his  
seat. He seemed a bit shaken, but otherwise all right. They both  
had been thrown on the floor. Ensign Vale nodded at her across from  
the science station. Harry, for his part, was already on top of  
things despite a nasty gash on his forehead. His left arm was held  
close to his chest. Probably broken, Janeway thought. His voice was  
a bit raw but professional as he said:  
  
"We lost both external and internal sensors. Communication is down,  
so are the transporters and navigational systems. We are on  
auxiliary power. Life support is stable."  
  
"Structural integrity is intact," said Tuvok as calmly as ever.  
  
Tuvok, her dear trusted friend, was also alright.  
  
"Shields are down and phasers are off-line," the Vulcan added.  
  
"I lost all contact with engineering," said Sue Nicoletti from the  
engineering console.   
  
In a few seconds, the Captain assessed the delicate situation her  
ship was in, and she hated it, to put it mildly. She hated being  
vulnerable, knowing that her crew was in danger. She continued  
circling the room with her gaze, and came to stop at the helm. For  
a second she was confused. There was no one at the conn. She took  
a step forward and realized how badly the panel was damaged -- and  
her pilot was laying unmoving on the floor.   
  
"Tom!" she called rushing to where the fallen officer was lying. He  
was on his side, his face buried in his right sleeve. Her hand  
reached for his neck and found a pulse. Her other hand   
simultaneously came to rest against his back. She felt the rapid  
shallow movement of his rib cage. She lifted her head to exchange  
a worried glace with Chakotay, who was kneeling next to her.  
  
"Tom, can you hear me?"  
  
"Huh . . . " he coughed. "I... I'm here . . . " he whispered.  
  
The two commanding officers turned the injured pilot on his back  
making the young man stiffen and wince in pain. He coughed a few  
more times. His uniform was charred, but there was no exterior  
sign of injury. His breathing eased a bit, but it was still  
coming in harsh breaths. His eyes finally focused on Janeway.  
  
"I'm . . . I'm okay. We need to heal that cut on your face  
before it gets infected, Captain."  
  
*Cut? What cut?* She brought her hand to the right side of her  
face. It was wet with blood. Suddenly, she was aware of her own  
pain. It could have been worse, a lot worse. With Chakotay's  
help, Tom was sitting up, coughing again.  
  
"Fine. I'm fine. Have you seen the medkit around?"  
  
They helped him sit on his chair and Tuvok gave him the medkit  
that he had found behind the tactical station. Tom gestured to  
Janeway to come closer.   
  
"I don't have time for this right now, but later . . . "  
  
"Not later. You could have a concussion. Don't argue with me.  
Leave that for the Doc."  
  
Tom scanned Janeway with the medical tricorder. Then, visibly  
satisfied, took the dermo-regenerator out of the medkit and  
passed the device over her face.  
  
"You should pass the tricorder over yourself as well," she told  
him.  
  
"Play doctor with myself Plenty of time to do that," he said  
flippantly. "There you go. That wasn't that bad, was it?"   
  
Janeway smiled at him. The comment was so . . . him. She was  
feeling better, and it was reassuring to know that the chances  
that she would faint in a Jeffries tube due to a concussion were  
dismissed.   
  
"Who's next!" he called. "Doctor's in office."  
  
Janeway pointed at him. He made a gesture at her saying *who  
else?* She shook her head in dismay and smiled.  
  
"Harry could use some medical assistance, too. I believe his arm  
is broken."  
  
Harry Kim made his way down to the conn where Tom was still  
sitting.  
  
"Gee, Harry. Looks like you mutilated your head, too," he  
observed.   
  
"You look terrific yourself," the Ensign teased him.  
  
While Tom was taking care of Harry's injuries, Janeway turned to  
consult with her second-in-command and her Chief of Security.   
  
"I'm afraid we are pretty much stranded here," Chakotay began.  
"Main power is still down. We're on auxiliary power only, no  
communications, no turbolifts, no transporters, and so on. The  
only accurate readings we have are the tricorder's. As far as I  
can tell, the ship is dead in space, but in one piece. That's  
about it."  
  
"We've got to get communications back," said Janeway. "We need  
to know what's going on in engineering. The wave might have put  
some strain on the warp core. Any ideas on what kind of wave  
that was or what caused it?" Her head turned slightly toward Tom  
when she heard him coughing again.   
  
"The wave was nekryon based," stated Tuvok. "Similar to the  
nekryon clouds we have encountered in the asteroid belt."  
  
"Our particulate warp emissions probably contacted with the  
nekryons and ignited them."  
  
"I was sure I avoided all the clouds," the pilot said, coming  
from behind with Harry Kim.  
  
"Voyager didn't hit a cloud, Tom. You did a fine job back there,"  
Janeway reassured him. "There was just no way of detecting the  
smaller ones. Are you two alright?"  
  
"I'm as good as new," Harry said, casting a grin to his friend.   
  
"How about you, Tom?" asked Chakotay.  
"I'm fine. Just a little sore," he told them.  
  
"Tom, you're still wheezing," Janeway commented.   
  
He coughed to clear his throat.  
  
"I should get to Sickbay, anyway. Doc might need my help."  
  
"Well, the only way to get there, or anywhere else for that  
matter, is by the Jeffries tubes. I'll go check on Engineering  
with Lieutenant Nicoletti. Tuvok, begin a deck-by-deck search  
with Ensign Vale. Try assembling people together. Harry, try to  
bring primary systems online from here. We'll see what we can do  
from Engineering. Commander, you have the bridge."  
  
"Aye, Captain."  
  
Janeway turned to her pilot who was racked by an other coughing  
fit. He was leaning against the railing of the upper-deck in a  
half-bent position. He was visibly unable to stand straight and  
his face had lost the little colour it had.  
  
"Mr. Paris. Hand over that tricorder," she ordered.  
  
She led him to the command center. He carefully sat down in  
Chakotay's chair. She passed the tricorder over him. *Damn. How  
could he keep such a calm face? He had to be in a lot of pain.*  
The right side of his body had taken the worse of the explosion.  
Blood was filling up his chest cavity due to a punctured lung and  
his two floating ribs on that side were broken. In addition, his  
kidney and spleen were hemorrhaging and a trail of first-degree  
burns ran down from his rib cage to his upper thigh. *Thank God  
for the thick materiel of his uniform,* she told herself. Of all  
the injuries, most concerning of all was the fluid that was  
building up under the left side of his skull, which he had  
probably hit when he had been thrown to the floor. His low blood  
pressure was also alarming.  
  
"What does it say?" he croaked.   
  
"You've been better. How do you feel?"  
  
"Stiff. Coughing hurts and my ears are ringing, but otherwise  
okay, I guess. Why? What does it say?" he asked again.   
  
"You have a haemothorax, a sub-cranial hemorrhage, two broken  
ribs, burns, a bruised kidney, and a ruptured spleen. The  
injuries are mostly all on your right side, except for the  
sub-cranial."  
  
"Oh . . . I don't feel that," he said once the information had  
sunk in. "It's got to be shock," he rationalized. "I need to see  
the Doc."  
  
"The Doctor is going to have to come to you. You're staying  
here. No crawling in the Jeffries tubes for you."  
  
"But Captain, Sickbay is just five decks down," he argued. "I  
have to get there. Doc might need my help, considering how bad  
it is..."  
  
Janeway did not need him to remind her how bad it could be  
throughout the rest of the ship. One look at him was enough.  
  
"Don't argue with me, Mr. Paris. Leave that for the Doctor," she  
told him teasingly.  
  
"Giving me my own medicine, are you? I'll be fine."  
  
"Tom, you're in shock. Your blood pressure is dropping each time  
you stand. You know your injuries are severe. You need to lie  
down. You know that."  
  
They had to make him comfortable and take care of his wounds,  
just like he had done for Harry and herself. Losing Tom Paris was  
not an option. For that matter losing *any* member of her crew  
was not an option. Janeway knew that as the time would pass, he  
would slip away from them really fast if those injuries were not  
looked after. So, they settled him on the couch of her ready  
room, grateful that she kept a pillow and a blanket in there.  
They gave him something for the pain and a coagulant to slow the  
hemorrhage and she left him under Chakotay's watchful eye.   
  
***  
  
Captain Janeway was almost down to deck four, making her way  
through the Jeffries tubes, when she met Ensign Ayala on his way  
up. She had begun her descent, aiming for engineering, but  
planned on a quick detour to check on Sickbay. Tuvok and the  
others had already left, before her.  
  
"Captain," greeted Ayala. "I was on my way to the bridge. What  
happened?"  
  
"We were hit by a nekryon wave. Did you see other crew members on  
your way?"  
  
"Yes. People are pretty much shaken, but okay. Many were either  
returning to their stations or making their way to Sickbay," he  
said.  
  
"Good. Tuvok and Vale have begun a deck-by-deck search. They are  
on deck two. Join them and tr to get people together."  
  
"Yes, ma'am."  
  
The Captain was about to say something. She didn't really like to  
be called ma'am. But then again, they were in a "crunch," so she  
just kept on her way. She opened the arch to deck five and lifted  
herself up on the floor. The corridors were quite busy. Injured  
people were gathering in Sickbay. Despite the growing number,  
Janeway was glad to see that so far, it seemed to be only minor  
injuries. Of course, at this point, they still hadn't heard from  
engineering, and the more severely injured crew members were in  
the same predicament than Tom Paris, being unable to be moved  
through the ship.   
  
"Captain," came the Doctor's voice not masking his annoyance,  
"you don't seem to need my services," he observed.  
  
"No, Doctor, I'm fine. Lieutenant Paris took good care of me."  
  
"Of course, Mr. Paris. Shouldn't he be here to help *me*, or has  
he run down to engineering already?" came the Doctor's sarcastic  
comment.  
  
"He is still on the bridge. The helm blew up in front of him,"  
she said. She went over the pilot's condition rapidly.  
  
"I see. It's not good. But I just can't leave Sickbay right now.  
People are still coming in. Ensign Wildman and I are rather short  
handed. Are you going back to the bridge?"  
  
"No, I'm on my way to engineering. I just wanted to know how you  
were coping," Janeway answered. "I'll bring a medkit and some  
supplies with me. It could be helpful."   
  
"You'll find one on my desk. I'll get to Mr. Paris as soon as I  
can, but hopefully, you'll be able to send him to me."   
  
Hopefully they would be able to before it was too late. With  
that, Janeway was back on her way to Engineering.  
  
***   
  
"Tom, it's not time to fall asleep," Chakotay told the young man,  
whose eyes were barely staying open. His pupils were so dilated,  
Chakotay could hardly see Tom's clear blue iris. It had been  
over half an hour since they had laid him on the couch. His  
condition was worsening at an alarming rate. He was now running a  
hemorrhagic fever. His blood pressure was low and he was coming  
more and more confused and anxious. His irregular painful  
breathing kept being interrupted by a recurring bloody cough.  
  
"Chakotay?... Where were you?" Tom whispered.  
  
"I went to the bridge for a few minutes, remember?" he asked  
putting his hand on Tom's forehead. It was hot. His skin was  
clammy and as white as milk. "I won't leave again. Harry is doing  
fine by himself. He almost has communications back online."  
  
"Think I could call B'Elanna?" Tom asked with an uncharacteristic  
uncertainty.  
  
"Sure. Why not?"  
  
"She's alright, isn't she?"  
  
Chakotay smiled mostly to himself. Paris kept asking about  
Torres. At first, Tom felt the questions were stupid, since he  
knew Chakotay didn't know either, but he asked anyway, needing  
the reassurance.   
  
"I'm sure B'Elanna is alright," he told him once again, trying to  
sound as confident as he could. "You have to hold on. If you die,  
she'll bring you back from the dead to kill you herself. Knowing  
B'Elanna, she wouldn't make that a pleasant experience."  
  
"If I survive this, Doc is the *one* who's going to kill me for  
not helping him in Sickbay."   
  
"I'd say, you're in for at least a lecture, since you hurt your  
head again," he teased him. A weak smile relaxed Tom's tired  
features, but coughing prevented him from saying anything. It  
shocked his body which was already in a lot pain. There was not  
much Chakotay could do. He had given Tom a painkiller a few  
minutes earlier. The only thing he could do was to try to keep  
Tom conscious as long as possible and keep him warm. Chakotay  
took a wet tissue and cleaned the blood that was covering Tom's  
mouth and the hand he had used to covered it.  
  
"Hang in there. It shouldn't be long."  
  
"I know. The Light, it's so beautiful and yet, I'm still afraid  
of death... " Tom said in low voice that was painful to hear.   
  
Chakotay felt his heart sink, his emotions knotted in his throat.  
Was Tom already seeing The Light? They both knew that death was  
at the front door. Chakotay could tell that Tom was almost ready  
to cross over to the other side, but to what? For him they were  
the Happy Hunting Grounds, The Spirit Plains. What was it for the  
pilot? He had cheated death so many times before. Come to think  
of it, he actually had died after he had breached the Threshold.  
What were his perceptions? What was he afraid of?  
  
  
"I wasn't talking about death," he whispered back.   
  
"No... I only wish I could hear B'Elanna's voice. I love her  
so much. I wish I could wake up and find her by my side." He  
sighed, which forced him to cough further more.  
  
"You will."  
  
"Chakotay . . . Thank you for being here," Tom whispered looking  
for a brief moment at the commander, who was surprised by the  
sudden clarity in Tom's eyes. "It means a lot, you know."  
  
"You would be doing the same thing if the situation was reversed.  
I know you would have taken good care of me, or anybody else, for  
that matter."  
  
"It's my job now. I really should be helping the Doc, not dying  
in the Captain's ready room."  
  
"You better not die in here. Think about how the Captain would  
feel." *Kathryn, whatever you're doing hurry. We're losing him.*  
  
"I'll try not to."  
  
***  
  
"Captain!" called B'Elanna Torres.  
  
"Lieutenant, status report," Janeway ordered as she came in Main  
Engineering from the Jeffries tube access.  
  
"The warp core was unstable for a while, but it's back to normal.  
By cutting the power to the propulsion system, Tom saved us a lot  
of trouble." She paused for a breath and looked around. "A few  
people need medical assistance. We're working at bringing main  
power back online."  
  
"Good. I have . . . "  
  
"Kim to Janeway, can you hear me."  
  
"Janeway here. It's good to hear your voice Mr. Kim. I just  
arrived in engineering and B'Elanna assures me everything is  
almost fixed. They are working on bringing main power back  
on-line."  
  
"Tom and Commander Chakotay are going to be happy to hear that."  
  
"Harry, how is Tom doing?"  
  
"Not good, Captain."  
  
"Tom? What's wrong with Tom?"  
  
Janeway looked at Torres straight in the eye. Telling somebody  
that a loved one was injured and dying was never something easy  
to do. She could read the worry on B'Elanna's face growing by the  
second.  
  
"The helm blew up, injuring Tom," she gently told the younger  
woman. "We need the transporters or at least the turbolifts to  
get him to Sickbay."  
  
"I'll keep working on that, Captain," Kim said over the link.   
  
"Keep me informed, Mr. Kim. Janeway out."   
  
***  
  
Tom's eyes flew open, but did not focus. He blinked in confusion.  
He was disoriented. He just had a vague feeling that he had been  
lying in an uncomfortable position for a while.  
  
"Tom? Tom, it's Chakotay. Look at me."  
  
Paris forced his vision to focus on the Commander, but it stayed  
blurry. He felt a wave of panic overcome him as he recognized the  
taste of blood in his mouth.  
  
"Tom, there's a call for you," Chakotay told him. The first  
officer was holding a cold cloth over his head. With a wet tissue  
in his other hand, he was cleaning the small stream of blood that  
was running down Tom's mouth.  
  
"B'Elanna?"  
  
"I'm here, Tom." B'Elanna said in a soft voice.  
  
"You're okay?"   
  
"I'm fine, Tom. Don't worry about me."  
  
"I have to. I love you, B'Elanna," he responded sweetly.  
  
Chakotay allowed himself a smile at the sincerity of Tom's words  
and expression.   
  
"I love you, too. That's why you have to hold on. We almost have  
transporters back on-line. I just need a little more time. You  
hear me, Paris, just a little more time."  
  
  
"I hear you," he said with a faint smile.   
  
"Good."  
  
"At least the core didn't breach and we don't have to beam into  
space."   
  
"Beam into space?" B'Elanna repeated confused for a second. Her  
thoughts brought her back to the last Day of Honor when she and  
Tom had been forced to beam into space before the explosion of  
the Cochrane. The shuttlecraft Cochrane. "Tom, you're right! A  
shuttle has independent transporters," she said excitedly.  
  
"Chakotay to Shuttlebay Four," said the Commander catching on  
immediately, which was definitely not Tom's case.  
  
"Darven, here, Commander."  
  
"Darven, I need you to power up a shuttle, then transport  
Lieutenant Paris to Sickbay. t's an emergency!"  
  
"Aye, aye, sir. Darven out."  
  
"Chakotay to Sickbay. Doctor, we're about to beam Mr. Paris to  
you."  
  
"Acknowledged, Commander. We're standing by."  
  
"Just a little more time, Tom," he whispered.  
  
Tom smiled. It did not matter anymore. He knew that B'Elanna was  
alright. He could face The Light, now.  
  
***  
  
"B'Elanna, how is he?" asked Chakotay as he approached the biobed  
where Tom Paris was now lying. The Commander could tell that Tom  
was a little better compared to what he had looked like seven  
hours earlier. His breathing was regular and the bruise that had  
covered his left temple had healed. However, he was still awful  
pale.   
  
"Stable," Torres answered tiredly. She was sitting on chair  
beside the biobed. "We almost lost him again. The Doctor said  
that he was in full cardio-respiratory arrest when he arrived.  
He's in a coma, now. We could still lose him, Chakotay," she  
whispered, her brown eyes dropped on Tom's sleeping face once  
more.  
  
He sat on the edge of the biobed in front of her.  
  
"He's still here, B'Elanna. He loves you too much to leave  
without a fight. He told me so, along with a lot of other things  
he asked me to forget."  
  
"I bet he did," she said with a wry smile.   
  
"He needs time to heal. I'm sure that in a few days he will be  
back to his old self, planning a new gambling scheme," Chakotay  
said giving his friend a hug. "Go get some rest, B'Elanna. I'm  
sure the Doctor will call you as soon as there are any changes in  
his condition."  
  
"I want to be here when he wakes up."  
  
"I know. It is his wish too. But, you're not doing yourself any  
good by staying here. Come on, I'll walk you to your quarters."  
  
***  
  
Captain's Log, Stardate 51994.8  
  
The last four days have been quite busy. The crew has been  
bringing the damaged systems back on-line. The ship is finally  
functioning smoothly, at least for the most part. We have resumed  
our course for home. Unfortunately, Lieutenant Paris remains in a  
deep coma. So far, The Doctor has done everything possible. It is  
up to Mr. Paris to do the rest. We can only wait and hope for the  
best.  
  
End of Part 1.   
  
This is it for now. Wanna know what's going to happen next, look  
For Part 2: The Night Turned Cold and Frigid.   
Feedback is always appreciated.  
Synbou.  
Synbou@hotmail.com  
  
Copyright@April 1998. 


	2. The Night Turned Cold and Frigid.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: My personal experience with coma always led me to   
Wonder: where does the soul goes once the brain can't function   
anymore? Well, since I was too young to remember, I'm left only   
with my imagination...  
  
Disclaimer: Here it comes, the legal stuff: Paramount owns them,  
Tom Paris, the rest of Voyager's crew. we just kidnaped them for  
the fun of it.   
  
In The Dark takes place in the same universe of our previous  
story  
*Neoplasm*, sometime after *Vis-a-vis.* This is the 2/5 part of  
this saga. The story is P/T and rated G.  
  
SYNOPSIS: Following *He could see the Light*, Voyager encounter a  
spatial anomaly whose effects put the crew to sleep and wake Tom  
up.  
  
  
In The Dark, Part 2: The Night Turned Cold and Frigid.  
By Synbou.  
Synbou@hotmail.com  
  
B'Elanna Torres was back in Sickbay. These days, she was passing  
more time there than in engineering. Thank Kahless for Captain  
Janeway and Chakotay's understanding. This was hard enough as it  
was. B'Elanna could not bear the thought of being kept away from  
the man she loved too long.  
  
"That's about it for what's going on in engineering. Well I could  
go on, but I don't want to bore you to death. Wouldn't want that,  
would we? I don't know what else I could tell you. I'm really not  
up to date with the ship's gossip, since I pass most of my time  
keeping you company. I'm sure you're having the time of your life  
here. You have my undivided attention. I can tell you that isn't  
the case for my staff. They have to cope with a half-Klingon who  
misses her favorite pig." She sighed heavily. "Oh, Tom, wake up!  
This is getting ridiculous. You've been sleeping for six days,  
now! You're missing all the fun. Letting Baythart and Hamilton  
get comfortable at the helm is not a good thing you know. And...  
and I'm going out my mind. Each time I hear a door open, I hope  
it's you. When people call my name, I can hear your voice. I'm  
hardly concentrating . . . "  
  
"That's because you're hardly eating, B'Elanna."  
  
"Doctor!" she said, surprised and a little angry for being cut  
off-  
guard. "How long have you been here?"  
  
"Not long," he assured her. "I see you've changed your tactic  
with Mr. Paris. However, I don't think that calling him a pig  
will help much."  
  
"With Tom? You never know... and, he is being a pig for  
aggravating my patience. That's what you're doing, aren't you  
Paris? You're testing our patience." She shrugged, then asked,  
even if she already knew the answer. "There is no change?"  
  
"I'm afraid not."  
  
"Well, I'll give him another day then." *You're really testing my  
patience, Tom. But, I'll wait.* "Doc, I miss him. You hear me  
Paris, I miss you. So do all your friends." She chuckled. "I  
heard that Harry played his clarinet for him. Tom loves that.  
Poor Harry, he misses him so much."  
  
"I miss him too," admitted The Doctor.   
  
"I know that Tom considers you a very good friend. It's  
understandable that you miss him as much as we do. Especially now  
that he works with you more frequently."  
  
"He is turning out to be an excellent medical assistant. He's got  
what it takes. He's calm under pressure. He's a quick learner. He  
has good dexterity... He has good bedside manners. It's a shame  
he hates it."  
  
"I don't think that he hates it. It's just that it keeps him from  
his first love, flying," she said her hand stroking Tom's blond  
hair. "I wish his father could see him now. How much he's  
changed. I know he wishes it too. For that, he'll have to wake  
up. Won't you Tom? You have to stop hiding out and wake up. We  
need you. *I* need you and, and I'm tired of repeating myself."  
  
"B'Elanna, why don't you go get something to eat and a good  
night's sleep?"  
  
"Trying to get rid of me, Doctor?"  
  
"Just looking after your best interest, and Tom's," he told her  
seriously.   
  
"Tom's," she echoed.  
  
"When he does wake up, he'll need you and seeing you tired will  
only make him worry about you. There's enough of that going  
around. So, go get some rest, and come back looking your best."  
  
B'Elanna considered what the Doctor had just prescribed for a  
moment. She didn't want Tom worrying about her. So, sh turned to  
him and said:  
  
"See, you tomorrow, Helmboy. The Doc is throwing me out."   
  
"I miss that too," he said, resting his hand on Tom's chest.  
"That nickname he gave me: Doc. It's almost a name."  
  
"It suits you. See you tomorrow."  
  
"See you tomorrow, B'Elanna," and the Doctor added when he saw  
that she was hesitating. "I'll call you if anything happens."  
  
She smiled a little at him and left. She needed to hear that,  
even if it was for the umpteenth time.  
  
***  
  
The Light kept shining. It was playing trough the icy branches of  
the trees, making their shadows dance over the white cloak that was  
covering the pond. The light breeze was bringing clouds of snow  
over the hills, stealing his thoughts as they were disappearing  
over the other side. He had been there for quite sometime, now. How  
long? He didn't know. Neither did he care. The peaceful atmosphere  
of the Winter Garden was fulfilling as it was. He was mostly alone.  
He missed her.  
  
Sometimes, people would sit beside him on his bench. They talked to  
him, but they didn't listen to what he had to say. So, he had gave  
up answering back and decided to simply enjoy their company and the  
one of the blue-grey cat sitting on his knees.  
  
***  
  
Commander Chakotay walked in his Captain's ready room, finding her  
sitting at her desk. She was holding a cup in front of her with  
both hands. She was tired and worried, he could tell. It had been  
a long day. Voyager had encountered a new spatial anomaly and the  
ship had avoided yet another disaster. Only her head moved as she  
looked at him.  
  
"Kathryn, don't tell me you're drinking coffee at this hour?" he  
said with mock disbelief.   
  
"Not anymore, this coffee is long cold."  
  
"You should go to bed and at least rest if you can't sleep. It  
won't do you any good staying here, worrying all night."  
  
"I know, Chakotay, but I can't help it. I'm afraid if I go to sleep  
that the Doctor will wake me to tell me that it's over. That Tom is  
gone. We never should have stayed for so long near that spatial  
anomaly . . . "  
  
Chakotay took a step forward. "Kathryn, we couldn't have known that  
the anomaly would have an effect on Tom's condition, assuming that  
it's really what made it changed all the sudden."  
  
"He was fine before," she argued. She brought one hand to her  
forehead realizing the simplicity of her words. She was speaking  
with her heart, not her detached scientific mind. "Well, *fine*,  
might not be a good choice of word, considering that Tom has been  
in a coma for a week. Whatever the anomaly did to him, his not  
bouncing back from it."   
  
"The Doctor is doing his best. Have faith, Kathryn," Chakotay told  
her. "I'll bet on Tom winning this fight anytime. The guy has more  
lives than a cat. He'll land on his feet." She smiled at him,  
shaking her head.  
  
"It sounds like you've given that lecture before."  
  
"I have," he said with a grin, "and the more I tell it, the more I  
believe it. So, why don't I walk you to your quarters. We can stop  
by Sickbay if you wish, and I can give this lecture to B'Elanna and  
Harry, *again*."  
  
"You have a deal, Commander."  
  
***  
  
The wind changed direction. It was faster and colder. Soon, it  
would snow. He could see dark clouds rising above the hills. He  
stood up, holding his cat closely against his chest, and looked  
straight ahead. The clouds and their shadows were coming toward  
them. For the first time, he felt fear. He had a sense of dread,  
like someone was walking over his grave. He shivered. He had the  
urge to turn around and run as fast as he could. But, there was no  
point in doing so, was there? He knew that ultimately, one could  
not outrun death forever. So, he watched with a mixture of anxiety  
and anticipation as it got darker by each passing moment, and the  
shining Wither Garden slipped into a cold and frigid night.  
  
***  
  
Chakotay stood before his bed and shrugged. Like hell he was ever  
going to sleep tonight. He had accompanied Kathryn to Sickbay, not  
surprisingly found B'Elanna and Harry at Tom's bedside. The  
Lieutenant was as pale as Chakotay remembered him in the Captain's  
ready room a week before. He was disturbed at the fluctuations of  
Tom's vital signs, everything was erratic.  
  
Voyager had been in close range of the spatial anomaly for at least  
two hours when Tom's condition started to worsen to the point where  
he began suffering from repetitive seizures. It seemed after  
further analysis that the anomaly was emitting a spectrum of beta  
waves which interfered with the brain's delta waves of sleeping  
crew members. They were now some distance from the anomaly and  
everyone affected seemed to return to normal, except Tom Paris.   
  
Chakotay sighed. He was not a close friend of the pilot, but they  
had developed, in the past few years, a good working relationship  
and a friendship based on mutual respect. The idea of Tom at the  
brink of death once again was unsettling. He felt even more  
helpless than the week before. How could something like this be  
possible? Chakotay's memories brought him back to Kathryn,  
B'Elanna, Harry, and the Doctor's own looks of helplessness and  
anguish. A few more people had stopped by Sickbay, hoping for some  
good news, while he was there. Tom had many good friends who cared  
about him, and he had no doubt that it was mutual. Te Commander was  
glad about that. Tom had changed a lot since his first days on  
Voyager.  
  
Chakotay sighed again. He wasn't in the mood to bring old and  
difficult memories back, neither was he going to allow this musing  
to keep him awake all night, but, sleep was eluding him. So, he  
considered that a visit to his spirit guide or maybe a chat with  
his father would do him some good. He sat comfortably on the floor  
with his 'Akoona' and his medicine bundle in front on him. He  
started breathing slowly, in and out, and relax . . .   
  
***   
  
He stood before them, staring at the Shadows. He realized with a  
start that this wasn't right. This wasn't where he had intended to  
be.   
  
"Do you know who they are?" a familiar voice asked from behind him.  
Chakotay turned around and saw Tom Paris sitting on a bench, a  
blue-grey Himalayan cat sitting on his lap.  
  
"Tom," he whispered surprised. The younger man eyed him blankly.  
The Commander approached him carefully, almost afraid to frighten  
him. "Tom, it's Chakotay," he said holding Tom's empty gaze.  
  
A friendly smile appeared on Tom's pale figure, but otherwise, his  
eyes remained empty.  
  
"Chakotay . . ." he repeated slowly as he associated the name with  
the man kneeling before him. "What are you doing in the Winter  
Garden? You shouldn't be here, you know."  
  
"The Winter Garden? Why shouldn't I be here?"  
  
"I dunno..." Tom answered, his gaze furtively returning to the  
Shadows. "It was fine... then they came, taking the light away."   
  
Chakotay's own eyes returned to the darkness for a moment. First  
the light, now the darkness, was it a sign of the sudden change in  
Tom's condition? He faced Tom again. The pilot's eyes were still  
locked on the horizon, on the Shadows. Gently, he put his hand on  
Tom's face, forcing the blue eyes to look at him. Chakotay was  
surprised by the feeling of lack of self-awareness he sensed from  
the younger man.  
  
"We're worried about you. You have been here a long time. Don't you  
think it's time to go home?"  
  
"Home?... I don't know how to go home."   
  
"Maybe, I can help. You have to trust me, Tom. Let me help you.  
Come with me."  
  
"Help me... How? I trust you, but how."   
  
They both stood up. This was a first for Chakotay. He never had  
brought someone out of a coma before. Still, he felt confident that  
he could help, somehow. It felt good to have Tom's trust. An  
unconditional trust. Had their friendship grown that far?   
  
"The wind is changing again," Tom said not as flatly as before.  
There was a hint of worry that transposed itself on his features,  
a sudden spark in his blue eyes. The cat struggled and jumped to  
the ground. "It's too late, Chakotay. You have to go!"  
  
"I don't understand. What's happening?!" Chakotay yelled over the  
wind. *Another seizure. Tom must be having another seizure!* his  
mind screamed at him. "Tom, I'm not leaving you. I'll help you,"  
Chakotay said with more conviction than he felt.  
  
"No! No, Chakotay, you leave, NOW! I can't protect you! Go!"  
  
With a feeling of dread, Chakotay was suddenly back in the darkness  
of his own quarters on Voyager. But something was not right, he  
could feel it.  
  
***  
  
"Here we go again," the Doctor sighed. He pressed a hypospray on  
Tom's neck. It barely had an effect on the erratic life signs of  
his patient.   
  
"Ensign, I need another ten ccs Denazine!" he called his eyes on  
the diagnostic screen.   
  
The vital signs changed again in an unexpected way. The Doctor's  
gaze moved to his patient face seeing his blue eyes fly open.   
  
"Mr. Paris..."   
  
He snapped out of his momentarily surprise when he heard a crashing  
sound behind him. He turned to find Ensign Wildman laying on the  
floor.   
  
"Samantha! Can you hear me?" Turning back to Paris, who was  
blinking repetitively, he cautioned, "Tom, don't move. I'll be  
right back. Ensign Wildman needs my help."   
  
He picked up his medical tricorder and went to the blond woman's  
side. She was unconscious, but her life signs were steady. Quickly,  
he came back to Paris, who for his part, was coming out of a  
week-long coma.   
  
"Tom, it's the Doctor, can you hear me?"  
  
Tom eyes slowly focused on him. He was disoriented.  
  
"You're in Sickbay, on Voyager," he told his patient. Can you talk  
to me?"  
  
It took Tom some time and a lot of effort to coordinate his  
thoughts and his actions. After a few unsuccessful tries, he  
managed to say.  
  
"Doc... I... Where's Chakotay?" His voice was raw and weak, a sign  
that his vocal cords had not been used in a week.  
  
"The Commander?" the Doctor asked, "in his quarters I assume,  
why?"  
  
"He was with me," Tom simply said. "What happened?"  
  
"You were on the bridge. Do you remember?"  
  
"The ship got hit by the wave... B'Elanna?"  
  
"B'Elanna his fine," he told him gently. "Let me call them. They  
were waiting impatiently for you to wake up and, I need help with  
Ensign Wildman."  
  
"Sam..."  
  
"She lost consciousness a few minutes ago." The Doctor put a hand  
on Tom's shoulder, seeing the worry in his eyes. "Sickbay to  
bridge," he called.  
  
There was no answer.  
  
"That's odd. Sickbay to Captain Janeway."  
  
There was still no answer.  
  
"Computer, locate Captain Janeway," the EMH said.  
  
"Captain Janeway is on the bridge," came the familiar female voice  
of the ship's computer.   
  
"Computer assess Captain Janeway's current health condition."  
  
"Captain Janeway is unconscious. Pulse and breathing are within  
normal parameters."   
  
"This is the Doctor to any member of the crew. Can anyone hear me?"  
  
"Seems like I'm the only one who can Doc," Tom said after a brief  
moment of silence.  
  
"Apparently so," the Doctor said with dismay.  
  
"Help me get up, please. We need to know what's going on, now."  
  
"Tom, you're in no condition to go anywhere right now. You have  
been in a coma the last few days."  
  
"Doc, unless you're going to tell me that I'm still in a coma,  
having a very elaborate dream, I suggest you help me get up.  
Something is going on and the only two senior officers, make that  
the only people awake, are you and me," the lieutenant argued.  
  
Without further protest, the EMH disengaged the medical arc,  
freeing Tom of his protective alcove. Then, he helped him to sit  
up.  
  
"Are you alright?"  
  
"Yeah, just dizzy. Any idea why I'm awake and everybody else is  
sleeping?" he asked, trying to keep his mind focus.  
  
The Doctor went to his console and study the readouts. "The ship is  
affected by a spatial anomaly that is emitting a mixed spectrum of  
beta and delta waves. We encountered a similar phenomenon earlier  
today. I don't understand. You should be unconscious like the  
others."  
  
"Is the ship close to the anomaly?"  
  
"Three thousand kilometers."  
  
"I need to go the bridge. Whatever this thing is doing, we need to  
get away from it," he said getting on his feet, holding the biobed  
for support. "And I need warmer clothes than PJs. My feet are  
cold."  
  
***  
  
Tom made his way out of Sickbay on his own, holding himself close  
to the wall for support. He had replicated himself a new uniform.   
The change of clothing wasn't only making him warmer, but also feel  
more in control Apparently, B'Elanna had taken the Doc's emitter  
down to Engineering to perform some repairs on it, keeping the EMH  
in Sickbay for the time being. Obviously, he was fuming about it.  
But what could he do? It had been his idea to send the Lieutenant  
to engineering to make the repairs, in order to clear his Sickbay,  
while treating a very ill patient.   
  
Tom was almost to the turbolift when he saw Commander Chakotay  
coming his way. Relief almost overwhelmed him.   
  
"Commander!" he called. "I thought everyone was unconscious."  
  
"I've been wondering around the ship. You're the only one I saw so  
far. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in Sickbay?"  
  
"I woke up. Doc said I was in a coma. We tried to call everyone.  
There was no answer. Why didn't you answer?"  
  
"I never heard the call. Where's the Doctor?"  
  
"Doc is looking after Ensign Wildman since he can't go anywhere  
else. He doesn't have his emitter. The ship seems to be affected by  
a spatial anomaly. I was on my way to the bridge."  
  
"Then, lead the way Lieutenant," the Commander said. "It's good to  
have you back, Tom."  
  
"Thanks Commander."  
  
The turbolift doors opened and the blue cat walked out. He  
inspected the surprised men with a questioned expression like if he  
was saying *Do I know you?*   
  
"Where does the cat come from?" asked Tom as they entered in the  
turbolift.  
  
"Tom, tell me something," Chakotay began. "What's the last thing  
you remember before walking up in Sickbay?"  
  
Tom looked at him surprised. The last thing he remembered?   
  
"Err... You, actually... with me, why?"  
  
"Where?"  
  
"Chakotay," Tom was about to protest when he saw the serious  
expression on the other man's face. "I'm not sure... the Captain's  
ready room ... a garden?" He said the last two words so softly, it  
was almost to himself.   
  
"Yes, The Garden," Chakotay repeated.  
  
Confused, Tom looked away for a moment. He had those strange images  
in minds. Laying on his back, Captain Janeway telling him to hold  
on, sitting on a bench, in a park, on a sunny winter day facing...  
facing the darkness...   
  
  
Tom opened his eyes. He was disoriented. He felt the hard surface  
of the deck beneath him. Slowly, he picked himself up off the floor  
and looked around. He was in the corridor leading to the turbolift.  
What was going on, here?  
  
***  
  
"Paris to Sickbay," came the Lieutenant's voice over the link.   
  
"Mr. Paris," the EMH said relief in his voice. "Are you all right?  
I've been trying to raise you. Why didn't answer my call? We're  
suppose to stay in contact . . . "  
  
"Doc, how long since I left Sickbay?" Paris interrupted.  
  
"Almost ten minutes. Are you all right?" the Doctor asked again. He  
was pacing his office, frustrated to be stranded there, while  
knowing that with his holo-emitter he could've been at his  
patient's side by now.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I am. I lost consciousness, I think."  
  
"You should come back here. The anomaly has a different impact on  
you, an impact that I've yet to be able to explain. You could get  
seriously injured by slipping in and out of consciousness."  
  
"I'm afraid it's a risk I'm going to have to take, Doc," Tom told  
him, his mind set. "Doc... " he began after a while, not as sure  
of himself.   
  
"Yes."  
  
"While I was unconscious, I had a chat with Chakotay. He was saying  
that there was nobody else on the ship except me and a cat."   
  
"The Commander you say... The Commander's ability to enter in deep  
meditation state and to control his dreams might have something to  
do with it. The anomaly interferes with beta and delta brain waves,  
it's possible it has an effect on theta waves also, assuming the  
Commander is meditating."  
  
"Well, maybe. I'm going to his quarters right now."  
  
"Stay in contact with me, Lieutenant," the Doctor ordered him.  
  
***  
  
Chakotay was shocked to see Paris disappear into thin air. He tried  
his comm badge, but he wasn't surprised by the silence he received  
as an answer. He knew that he was still meditating. It was the only  
explanation for the empty ship and the cat. And Chakotay admitted  
to himself, that his encounter with Tom had disbursed him greatly.   
  
The doors of turbolift opened bringing Chakotay to the present. The  
moment he walked onto the bridge his eyes caught the image on the  
main view screen. Another anomaly had attracted the ship into its  
gravitational field. Chakotay remembered that he had been  
meditating in his quarters and somehow he had contacted Tom. "Until  
the wind changed," he told himself grimly. So his body was in his  
quarters and his soul wandering trough the ship. What about Tom?  
One minute he was there, telling him that the Doctor was stuck in  
Sickbay caring for an unconscious Ensign Wildman, the next, he was  
gone...   
  
Chakotay left the bridge for Sickbay. The last time he had visited  
Paris there, the young man was barely holding his on. Chakotay  
prayed deep down that he was still alive. He held his breath as  
walked through the Sickbay doors. He stood there in the middle of  
the place, not sure if he should feel worried or relieved. Sickbay  
was empty.   
  
***  
  
Lieutenant Paris overrode Commander Chakotay's security code on his  
door and entered his superior's quarters. The walk had left him  
exhausted. He leaned on the door frame and let his eyes survey the  
living area. He sighed with some relief. Chakotay was sitting on  
the floor, his back against the sofa, and his medicine bundle  
spread out in ront of him. He was meditating, not sleeping. The  
Doctor had been right. Tom made his way to the Commander's side. He  
pulled out his medical tricorder and began to scan. There was a lot  
of brain activity.  
  
"Doc, you're still there?" he called.  
  
"Of course, Mr. Paris," the Doctor said, annoyed by the obvious.  
"It's good to know that you're still here too."   
  
"Well, Thanks, Doc," he said grinning. "You were right, Chakotay is  
in meditation." He sighed tiredly again. "I don't know what to make  
of this Doc. I only hope that if I fall unconscious again, he'll be  
there."  
  
Tom was not sure what to make of the feeling of comfort the  
Commander was providing him either, but, he was glad to have it.   
  
"You sound tired," the Doctor observed.  
  
"I'll be fine. Doc. I'm going to the bridge."  
  
***  
  
"Tom!"   
  
Paris turned on his heels when he heard Chakotay called his name.  
The Commander caught up with him again in front of the turbolift  
doors.  
  
"I saw you disappear in the turbolift earlier. What happened?"  
Chakotay asked.  
  
"I woke up. Chakotay something weird is going on here. Everyone is  
asleep except me and, in way, you. I just went to your quarters. It  
looks like your meditating."  
  
"I am, but I can't come out of it."   
  
"It's a good thing, otherwise you would be asleep like the others.  
Have you made it to the bridge, yet?"  
  
"Yes, I saw the anomaly. Doesn't seem like I can do much in this...   
this plane of existence."  
  
"I think I can if I stay awake long enough."  
  
Chakotay gave him a sympathetic smile.  
  
"Go to the bridge, try to put some distance between us and the  
anomaly. Adjust the shields on a reverse polaric frequency. It  
worked before."  
  
"Aye, aye, sir," Tom responded seriously. He sighed then grin at  
him. "Any idea how I'm suppose to wake up?"   
  
"That's a tough one. What did you do the last time?"  
  
"I dunno know. I was in the turbolift and then I woke up in the  
corridor."  
  
"Come to the bridge with me anyway. Hopefully, you'll wake up  
eventually."  
  
"Hopefully," Tom repeated grimly.   
  
***  
  
Tom woke up in front of the turbolift where Chakotay had caught up  
with him. He was starting to really hate this. He tried to get up  
and only made it to his knees. God, he was tired. Just laying there  
on the deck did not seem like a bad idea right now.   
  
"Mr. Paris! Tom!" He heard the Doctor call. "You lost consciousness  
again. Tom can you hear me?!"   
  
"Doc, please stop screaming, please," he implored. "My ears are  
ringing already. I... I met with Chakotay again. How long was I  
unconscious?"  
  
"About five minutes."  
  
Tom sighed heavily. "Guess I better start heading for the bridge,  
*again*." He crawled to the wall and held onto it for support as he  
got up. He gathered his strength and walked to the turbolift. The  
doors closed behind him and he instructed the computer to take him  
to the bridge. With a sickening sensation, he abruptly realized  
that the lift wasn't going up. It was going down, real fast!  
  
***  
  
"Unconscious in an unconscious state. That must be a first,"  
Chakotay said grimly. "Tom, wake up!"  
  
"...C'Kotay. Damn, it hurts." Tom eyes slowly opened as he crawled  
back to awareness. "What happened?" he whispered.  
  
"I don't know, Tom." At the obvious disorientation on the  
Lieutenant's face, he said: "You're in the turbolift, at the bottom  
of the shaft, in engineering."   
  
"Chakotay. What's going on here?!" he almost yelled out of  
frustration. "I just want to go to the bridge," he said more  
quietly.   
  
"It's what, the third time you tried?"  
  
"It's like something is trying to keep me from going there," Tom  
observed. "You think... You think I'm injured?"  
  
Chakotay rolled his eyes. He wouldn't be surprised and he told Tom  
so. He was getting frustrated as well. Was there really something  
keeping Tom from going to the bridge? If so, what? Why?"  
  
"Is this reality, whatever it is, like the real thing?" Tom asked.  
"I mean, are things at the same place?"  
  
"What are you getting at?"   
  
"The Doc's holo-emitter," Tom answered. "You think you could help  
me find it. I need help. If I can't go to the bridge without  
getting killed in the process, maybe the Doc can."  
  
"Good thinking, Tom," he told him trying to be as encouraging as he  
could. "Come, it shouldn't be too difficult to find."   
  
***  
  
The Doctor was standing near the transporter console, ready to  
catch Tom the moment he materialized in Sickbay. He helped the  
injured man to the biobed. He didn't waste anytime, passing his  
tricorder over him. He frowned at the readings.  
  
Tom had a broken arm, three broken ribs, a sprained ankle and  
another concussion for the record. It wasn't too bad considering  
that the man had been in a turbolift's fourteen-deck free fall. Tom  
had checked the condition of the turbolift while he was in  
engineering, there seemed to be nothing wrong with it. The Doctor  
had to concur with Paris, something strange was going on.   
  
"Your emitter, Doc." Tom said as he presented the EMH with the  
device.  
  
"Thank you, Lieutenant."  
  
"Ah, no problem Doc, I was in the neighborhood anyway," Tom  
answered. "I really wonder what's keeping me from going to the  
bridge. Chakotay said he didn't see anything strange except for the  
anomaly on the view screen. Then again, Chakotay isn't on this  
plain of existence..."  
  
"Now, that I have my holo-emitter, I can accompany you," said the  
Doctor. "With the right medication, I could at least try to prevent  
you from falling into unconsciousness again."  
  
"Yeah... We could transport over there, I don't really trust the  
turbolift anymore, and I'm not up for the Jeffries tubes. Still, we  
need a backup plan. I mean, I have to move Voyager away from this  
thing. I would prefer to do it from the bridge. It's more  
convenient. But, I could try from Engineering."   
  
"This would be easier if I knew how to fly a starship."  
  
"Well, I would be happy to teach you, anytime you'd like," said the  
pilot, "and, right now would be as a good time to start as any."  
  
***  
  
Tom Paris and the Holodoc materialized on the bridge. *Good, the  
stimulant Doc gave me seems to be working*, Tom thought as he  
quickly gazed around them. He could see people, unconscious on the  
floor, like Captain Janeway and Tuvok. Others were still sitting on  
their chairs, leaning on their stations, like Kim at Ops and  
Hamilton at the helm.   
  
The Doctor didn't lose anytime and went to the Captain to make sure  
she was all right, and to try a futile attempt at waking her. Tom  
on his part made it more slowly to the conn. The bridge was  
unusually dark. Maybe it was just the effect of the low lights of  
the red alert, but it still felt creepy. He would have sworn he was  
seeing shadows playing on the walls. To add to it, he had that  
strange feeling of being watched. *You're too paranoid Thomas. Stop  
imagining things*.  
  
"Sleeping at the helm, Hamilton?" he asked the unconscious pilot.  
"C'mon this thing can't be that boring? Why don't you let me have  
a look?"  
  
He gently rolled Hamilton's chair away and took a good look at the  
readings.   
  
"The ship was still in the gravitational field of the anomaly.  
Getting away from it shouldn't be that difficult," he told the  
Doctor.   
  
"Reversing the shield's polarity and engaging the warp drive should  
do it."  
  
He had barely touched the console when he was hit in the side and  
was forced to the ground. It took him a few seconds to recover. He  
felt a hand on his shoulder and opened his eyes to see the  
Commander looking at him concerned.   
  
"Welcome back," Chakotay told him. "I'm glad you're here, I was  
starting to feel lonely, well almost... "  
  
Tom got to his feet, this was becoming a nasty habit. He stood  
beside the Commander. They weren't alone anymore. Little shadows  
were wondering around the bridge.   
  
"I came back here when you left engineering for Sickbay, and I  
found them," Chakotay explained.  
  
"I finally made it to the bridge with Doc, and they were there too.   
But, they weren't as defined, just mere shadows. What do they want?  
Did they tell you?"  
  
"No. They seem to be poking around. I can't really make out what  
hey are doing."  
  
"Well, we can't stay here forever waiting for them to go away," Tom  
said getting frustrated. He could hardly wait for this day to be  
over. "The Doc is still on the bridge. We agreed that if I was to  
lose consciousness that he would give me a few minutes, hoping that  
I would run into you. He will transport me to engineering and  
transfer the helm protocols there. I should be able to get the ship  
free."   
  
"I'll get a head start, see you there. I hope this works."  
  
"You're not the only one. I'm really *sick* of the game." *And it's  
starting to spook me,* he added to himself.  
  
***  
  
When Commander Chakotay arrived in engineering, the place was  
quiet, too quiet. Obviously, Tom hadn't made it there yet. Chakotay  
wasn't sure if he wanted the young man to join him there, in his  
plane of reality, anyway. Hopefully, Tom would stay awake and would  
be able to fly Voyager away. Then, everyone would wake up. So, he  
prepared himself for another long wait.  
  
***  
  
Voyager bolted forward the moment her pilot pushed the engage  
button. Helplessly, he sensed the little energy he had left leave  
him as quickly. Somewhat reassured, he felt the Doctor take a hold  
of him before his legs gave in from under him. The world was  
spinning too fast in a sickening turmoil. His blood was running  
cold inside his body as he saw the familiar darkness closing over  
him once again. He was barely aware of the light touch of an  
hypospray on his skin.  
  
"Tom! Lieutenant! you have to stay with me. You have to stay awake.  
Try to focus," the Doctor ordered him.   
  
Around them, the engineering crew was waking up and starting to  
move around. The Doctor turned his head to see Lieutenant Joe Carey  
coming to them.   
  
"Get Lieutenant Torres," he ordered the engineer. "B'Elanna is  
coming, Tom, then we will get you Sickbay."  
  
Tom?!" was the only word B'Elanna could manage when she came to  
them, near the navigation controls.  
  
"The ship has stopped," Tom murmured and then his eyes focused into  
thin air. "But, they're still here."  
  
***  
  
Chakotay wasn't sure if he was finally awake or not. He could see  
the engineering crew, now. He could also see the Shadows coming all  
around them. He realized quickly enough, by the lack of  
acknowledgment of the people passing by him, that he was still  
meditating. He knew that as long the Shadows were there, he just  
couldn't come out of it, not just yet. Tom? Where was Tom?  
  
He found the pilot sitting on the floor, leaning against the  
navigation console. The Doctor was hovering over him, and B'Elanna  
was slowly kneeling beside him. Chakotay's heart sank when he saw  
Tom's pale complexion. His face was drained of all color.   
  
By the haunted look in Tom's livid eyes, Chakotay could assess with  
certainty that Tom was seeing the Shadows as well. Then, his eyes  
focused on him.   
  
"They are still here," he told the Commander.  
  
"I know, Tom. But, can't you see that they're fading? Now, you have  
to stay awake. You have to fight."  
  
"I can't."  
  
"You can't what, Tom?" asked B'Elanna gently.  
  
"They're gone, Tom," Chakotay told him even knowing that the young  
man's attention was no longer on him.   
  
"I can't fight. I'm too cold and tired," he weakly whispered. "I'm  
sorry, B'Elanna."  
  
Chakotay didn't hear what B'Elanna told him when a cold strong wind  
hit him and shook his body. He wasn't on Voyager anymore. He turned  
his back to the wind and forced his eyes open. Darkness. He was  
back in the cold night of the Winter Garden, and so was Tom. The  
pilot was laying on the icy surface covering the pond a few meters  
away.  
  
"TOM!" he called over the wind.   
  
With relief he saw Paris look back at him. Against the raging wind,  
Chakotay began to make his way toward him. Tom stood up and began  
walking in his direction. After what seemed a long time to him, he  
almost had a hold of the young man.   
  
"It's time, to find our way home, don't you think so?" he shouted.  
  
"Yeah. It's time to go home," Tom echoed in agreement.  
  
The wind hit them hard, again. Tom lost his balance and crashed  
heavily on the ice. With a shocking horror, Chakotay saw the  
surface break and the black crystal water swallow the pilot.  
  
Whatever sound Tom made was never heard, it was drowned out by the  
wind.   
  
Chakotay moved as fast as he could to where Tom had been. Where  
there was a big hole now. Tom was gone. Chakotay felt the black  
hole singeing his soul as he woke up on the floor of his quarters.  
  
His breath was shallow. His heart was caught in his throat. Tears  
were running down his frozen cheeks.   
  
Home. He had found his way home. Alone.  
  
  
End of part 2.  
  
Get ready. part 3 is following. Look for *He Found His Way Home*.  
Feedback is always appreciated, thanks!  
Isabelle S. and Louise B. (a.k.a Synbou)  
Synbou@hotmail.com  
  
Copyrights@April 1998. 


	3. He Found His Way Home.

AUTHORS NOTE: My personal experiences with coma always led me   
to wonder: where does the soul go when the brain can't function   
anymore? Well, I was too young to remember anything, so Im left   
sole with my imagination  
Isabelle S.  
  
DISCLAIMER: Tom Paris and Voyager's crew belongs to Paramount.  
However, all unrelated character and places, meaning the residents  
of Port-Ayalexis, belongs to US. So here's a another take at what   
could be Tom Paris secret life.  
  
This a P/T in essence, but mostly a P/L.  
We've got you interested? You'll have to read to know. He Found   
His Way Home is 3/5 part of In The Dark and its rated PG.  
  
SYNOPSIS: Chakotay finds Tom in an other reality. But, is it based  
on Tom's past or a fantasy.  
  
In The Dark part 3: He Found His Way Home.  
  
By Synbou  
Synbou@hotmail.com  
  
  
Commander Chakotay ran down Voyager's hallways. He felt like  
something was going to explode inside him. This had to be a bad  
dream. Seeing Tom Paris disappear through that hole in the ice  
didn't really mean that the young man was dead. Chakotay just  
couldn't accept it. But, the ice breaking, Tom being swallowed by   
the water, the darkness, it was all coming to such an abrupt  
finality.  
  
The Commander reached sickbay, where he joined his Captain. She  
stood in front of the close doors, obviously dreading to enter.  
  
"Kathryn," he said harshly.  
  
She turned to face him. Spirits, he couldn't ever remember seeing  
her like that. She looked so vulnerable and in pain. She knew what  
she would find on the other side of those doors and didn't wanted  
to face it any more than he. They both held each other's gaze for  
a second. He put his hand on her shoulder and together they   
walked in sickbay.  
  
The first thing he saw was B'Elanna Torres standing a few meters  
away from the main biobed where the Doctor was working with the  
help of Samantha Wildman. B'Elanna turned toward him and Janeway,  
tears were running down her face. He felt Kathryn stiffen under his  
touch, she had an expression of dismay on her face. He looked more  
closely toward the doctor and finally saw Tom. His inside turmoil  
turned into unbelievable relief, it felt almost like ecstasy. He  
sighed. Tom was a survivor. He mentally kicked himself for  
forgetting that, for even for a moment.  
  
"Thank the Spirits," he breathed. "He still alive."  
  
"Commander! You're here," said the EMH turning to face Chakotay.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"We were in engineering. Nobody could see me except Tom. He could  
see all of us. And then... Did he tell you about Garden?" At The  
Doctor's puzzled expression, he continued: "I guest not."  
  
"Commander?" Janeway asked confused, her eyes were going from him  
to The Doctor.  
  
"It's sort of complicated, Captain," Chakotay answered. "Doctor,  
how he is?"  
  
"Not good. There is some brain activity, but he is in a very deep  
coma again," The Doctor explained. "All this running around the  
ship has exhausted his system. We stabilized his vitals, however  
his pulse and blood pressure are still low."  
  
"Gentlemen," began Janeway, fed up of being in the dark. "What is  
going on here? Why is Tom in uniform?"  
  
"I'm sorry, Captain, its just that I had to see if Tom was still  
with us. Why don't we go to The Doctor's office. I'll explain  
everything."  
  
Once there, they sat down: The Doctor behind his desk, Chakotay and  
Torres sat in front of it, and Janeway leaned on its corner.  
  
Chakotay took a deep breath and, with the help of The Doctor,  
started to explain the events of the last three hours. He told them  
about the aliens living in the spatial anomaly and how they had  
taken over the ship. How the interference of the alien minds had  
put everyone to sleep, and somehow woke up Tom. He talked about how  
he had met Tom on the Spirit Plain, in The Winter Garden. How Tom  
had woke up and got the ship away from the anomaly, thus out of the  
reach of the intruders.  
  
Then he paused for a few long seconds.  
  
"There is more," said Janeway, sensing Chakotay's hesitation.  
  
Chakotay sighed heavily and pressed on: "Once the aliens were gone,  
Tom started to loose consciousness, and we were back in the Garden.  
It was stormy. The wind was so strong and I could hardly move. Tom  
was on a frozen pond. Before I could get to him, he fell trough the  
ice. It was as if the water had swallowed him whole."  
  
Chakotay stopped to take a few deep breaths. He continued more  
quietly.   
  
"I thought we had lost him. Then, I was back in my quarters in the  
same position than before. After that, I came here and you know the  
rest."  
  
There was silence again, as each one of them absorbed what Chakotay  
had just said.  
  
"He saved the ship once again," B'Elanna whispered in mix of  
sadness and pride.  
  
Janeway, agreed with a sad smile.  
  
"How can we help him," she asked. "Doctor do you have any  
suggestion on how to proceed, now?"  
  
"I would like to try to contact him again on the Spirit Plain,  
Captain," Chakotay said. "I've been able to do it once. I might be  
able to do it again."  
  
"This has been a difficult day for all of us,," began The Doctor,  
"especially for Mr. Paris. So, I suggest that you all go get some  
sleep. Meanwhile, I will take care of my patient; try to build back  
his stamina." He exchanged a look with Chakotay. "Commander, I  
understand that you want to try something right now, but this is  
not good either for you or the Lieutenant. So, go get some rest.  
All of you. I assure you that if there is any changes in Mr. Paris'  
condition, I will call you."  
  
Reluctantly, they all agreed on getting some well deserved rest.  
Chakotay accompanied Kathryn and B'Elanna once again to each of  
their quarters before turning in, himself. His mind was set on  
getting a good night of sleep; only well rested would he be able to  
help Tom. And, deep down inside, despite an itching doubt, he  
believed he could help. Tom had survive The Day, at least  
physically. There was hope. Tom would eventually find his way home  
to Voyager.  
  
***  
  
The following morning, Janeway, Chakotay, Harry and B'Elanna were  
sharing coffee in the conference room. It had been a long night for  
all of them, and they were bracing themselves for an other  
difficult day. An other day without Tom Paris usual 'joie de  
vivre'.  
  
For Chakotay, the wait had taken an all new meaning. Tom had  
haunted his dream in the early morning, or was it Chakotay who had  
visited the Winter Garden again. This time however, the Garden was  
full of light shining on the pond, playing through the trees. It  
had been quite beautiful and relaxing. Tom had been sitting on the  
bench, the Himalayan laying beside him.  
  
"You're taking this really at heart, Chakotay," Kathryn Janeway  
told him sympathetically.  
  
"I do. I don't know how to explain it," Chakotay sighed. "I never  
had someone trust me so implicitly before. I wouldn't never had  
thought that Tom ever would."  
  
"That how it is with Tom. It's all or nothing," Harry said.  
  
"The Doctor said that Tom was doing better. His condition is no  
longer critical, but it's unstable. He can't stay like that for too  
long," said B'Elanna. "Chakotay, do you really think you can get  
through to him?"  
  
"I'll try, B'Elanna. We all want him to come home."  
  
"Well, before you do anything," Janeway told him. "You should  
consult with the Doctor."  
  
"Of course."  
  
***  
  
Janeway and Chakotay met with the physician in his office. They  
agreed that the Commander would remain in sickbay while he tried to  
contact Tom on the Spirits Plain. This way, The Doctor could keep  
an eye on both of them.  
  
So, Chakotay settled on a biobed. His medicine bundle and his  
'Akoona' with him. He started by slowing his breathing.  
  
"Akouchimoya, we are far from the land of our people..." he began  
to recite. Gradually he entered a meditative state.  
  
***  
  
The first thing that Chakotay realized was the noise.   
  
People talking loudly, footsteps, things being moved around... He  
was definitely not in the Winter Garden. As his vision cleared, he  
found himself amazed by his surrounding. He was in a interior  
market, beside a fruit stand. People were carefully choosing  
different fruits and vegetables.   
  
Judging by all the different colors and warm clothes that the  
citizen were wearing, it had to be autumn. He scrutinized his  
environment in order to assess where he was. By the mix of cultures  
and the labels used to mark the prices, the Commander recognized  
the place to be Kimira,a Federation colony in the Kara Prime  
system, back in the Alpha Quadrant. He had visited the planet a  
long time go as a Starfleet officer, at a time when the population  
had been recovering from a war with the Irsians, a neighboring  
race.  
  
"Chakotay?!" he heard Tom Paris called from somewhere. There he  
was, making his way toward him through the crowd. He was dressed in  
civilian, black pants and a wine wool turtleneck. He had a packsack  
on his back and he was carrying a few bags filled with fruits and  
vegetables. "Chakotay!" he said again visibly happy to see him. "I  
didn't know you were in Port-Ayalexis. What are you doing here?"  
  
"I just got here," the Commander answered. That was true enough.  
*Think fast!* he told himself. "I just been reassigned to Kimira."  
  
"Really? I don't remember Audrey mentioning that... I mean, Admiral  
Larsen. Then again, I'm so busy these days, I hardly keep in touch  
with the Department."  
  
"You know the Admiral well?" Chakotay asked. *Keep him going and  
keep it friendly until you know what's going on, he thought.  
  
"Oh, Yeah. I've been working with her for the Missing Person  
Department for years, now. She is a very ongoing person, very  
dynamic and open, an excellent commanding officer. I'm sure you're  
going to enjoy working with her as much as I do."  
  
"Well, it's god to know," Chakotay said more impress by Tom  
enthusiasm, than his praises concerning the Admiral. "So you're  
still in Starfleet...?  
  
"Sort of," Tom answered. "I'm more of an outside consultant."  
  
*Easy, Chakotay. Don't hit a nerve,* he warned himself.  
  
"How long have you been on Kimira?"  
  
"On a permanent basis, I'd say four or five years," Tom answered  
while starting to walk again, obviously disturbed by the fact that  
they were standing in the middle of the alley, blocking the  
traffic. "You don't mind if we keep up this conversation while I do  
my groceries, do you? I'm kind of in a hurry."  
  
"Of course not. The Missing Person Department? I taught you were a  
pilot."  
  
"I am, among other things," he said with grinning.  
  
"How long as it been since we last seen each other? I can't  
remember when was the last time."  
  
Tm looked at him thoughtfully.  
  
"Gee, Chakotay, I can't remember either. Are we getting that old?!"  
he exclaimed with mock disbelief.  
  
So, it seemed that Tom was taking things for granted. *Maybe some  
kind of defense mechanism. Tom has a lot of them.* Chakotay told  
himself. *But, don't go over analyzing, here.*  
  
They stopped by a meat stand where three butchers were busy serving  
consumers and rapping different pieces of meat on a counter.  
  
"Hi, Tom!", one of them said. The others briefly look up from their  
tasks to nod and smile at him. "What can I do for you, today?"  
  
"Tad, I need a quick fix for tonight," Tom told the older man. "I  
had my mind set on those brochettes of yours."  
  
"Beef? I thought it was Solenn's night? Or did you managed to  
convince her to eat red meat."  
  
"No such luck, my friend. I ran out of supplies and made a  
strategic exchange with Solenn, so I made chicken rice yesterday."  
  
The butcher chuckled. "How many brochettes do you want?" he asked.  
  
"Ah.. four, no six!" He turned to Commander. "You have to come and  
have supper with us tonight, Chakotay," he said. "Oh! but that's  
right you don't eat meat. I'll find something else for tonight and  
I'll serve the brochettes tomorrow. Tad, give me only four please.  
By the way, this my friend Chakotay, he's new around here."  
  
"Nice, meeting you Chakotay," the butcher said smiling. "Tom, I  
don't have any chicken brochettes left, but I have some of pork.  
Would Solenn prefer that?"  
  
"Four brochettes of pork would be great."  
  
"Coming right up. You know, I can put this in an air tight rap for  
you so you could keep it longer and fresher."  
  
"Thanks, that would be much appreciated," Tom answered.  
  
A few minutes later, Tad handed over a bag.  
  
"I put a bone for Mocha in the bag," the butcher said grinning.  
  
"Tad, you're spoiling that dog too much. She's gonna love it." Tom  
exclaimed himself while he paid for the goods with a credit card.  
  
"Say hello to Loreena and the kids, for me," Tad said.  
  
"The same to your family."  
  
They walked away from the butcher's shop, back in the crowded  
alley. Chakotay had to walk rather fast to keep pace with the  
younger man.  
  
"Loreena and the kids?" he echoed unable to masked his surprised  
expression.  
  
"That's why you have to come to the house tonight. You have to meet  
my lovely wife and our two daughters, Sayana and Solenn."  
  
*His wife and daughters! "Since when are you married?"  
  
"Six years. I met Loreena at the university. I was studying with  
her sister, Gwanna. Loreena was doing her business master. One  
semester, we took acting classes together and fell in love," Tom  
related. His blue eyes were sparkling and he was smiling.  
  
"Does Starfleet Academy have a campus on Kimira?"  
  
"No. But Yanka University has one in the city. I did my doctorate  
in Astrophysics here."  
  
"Doctorate!?" Chakotay repeated. "I knew had advanced courses in  
Astrophysics, but I never thought you had a doctorate."  
  
"The things that you learn about people, huh?", he teased.  
  
"You can say that again," agreed the Commander.  
  
Tom's smiled widen.  
  
Chakotay realized that his companion had never stop smiling since  
their encounter. He seemed very happy, sure of himself, and  
enjoying his surroundings. He was very at ease in this crowded  
market, exchanging salutations with a lot of people. Obviously, he  
was well known and appreciated here. The Commander could recognize  
the side of Tom's friendly personality that was showing more and  
more on Voyager. It was so different from his cocky and bitter look  
on life that Chakotay had despised so much when he had first met  
the man. He reminded himself, that this was Tom's dream becoming  
some sort of reality. A reality where Tom was happy. Chakotay felt  
some relief, he knew that Tom had many nightmares, he had feared  
that he would have walked right into one of them.  
  
"What kind of sauce do you like?"  
  
"What?" Chakotay asked confused.  
  
Tom laughed at his companion. "Pasta for supper sound great to me,  
and easy to sell to the three women of my life. I asked you: what  
kind of sauce do you like? You're my guest. You can choose anything  
you want except something that has seafood in it. Neither  
girls like that."  
  
Chakotay looked at Tom with a grin before choosing on a "Sauce  
rosee", enthusiastically approved by Tom, who started considering  
his options in wine.  
  
There again, Tom was really friendly with the owner of the small  
Italian gourmet shop. He introduced them. Together, they chose some  
broconchini and Parmesan, fresh basil, pesto and an Italian bread.  
This was going to be good. Chakotay really hoped that he could stay  
for supper, it would change from Neelix *exotic* and a little too  
alien cooking. "Kimirian cuisine is very good, but I prefer  
Italian. A little taste of home," Tom said once they were back in  
the alley.  
  
"Earlier, Tad said that it was Solenn's night..."  
  
Tom laughed at the memory. "We all like different things, and the  
things we like kinda repeat themselves. We came to this agreement,  
since there is no way I'm cooking two or three different meals in  
order to please everyone. So, one night a week Solenn gets to pick  
what we're gonna have for supper, another it's Sayana's, another  
it's Loreena's. The others are mine, cook's prerogative. Got to  
admit that it's often negotiable. You have kids, Chakotay?"  
  
"No, I'm not that lucky."  
  
"Depends on which days," Tom argued. He laughed again. "That's not  
fair, but it's true. I am very lucky."  
  
"Well, you look happy," observe Chakotay. "And, I'm happy for you.  
Although, doesn't make my assignment easy."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Tom." Chakotay took a deep breath. "Running into you was not an  
accident. Well, yes. I didn't expect to see you at the market. I  
mean, not in Port-Ayalexis. You're my assignment. Starfleet has a  
proposition for you," he explained. "But here isn't the best place  
to talk about it."  
  
People were passing by them going from one shop to another.  
Children were running around. It was noisy and it was distracting  
both of them. Chakotay saw Tom's cheerful expression changed into  
a more blank one. Like a mask had just been put on his face. A mask  
Chakotay knew too well.  
  
"Frankly," Tom said. "I don't know what Starfleet has in mind,  
especially since Admiral Larsen didn't mentioned you were coming.  
Still, you're my friend and you deserve that I listen to you.  
Doesn't mean I have to agree with Starfleet's proposal."  
  
Chakotay smiled at Tom's honesty and mostly at being called a  
friend.  
  
"I can live with that," he granted. "Thank you. So, where are we  
going next?"  
  
Tom's smile came back.  
  
"By some more fruits. Like I was saying I like a little taste of  
home. There's this shop where you can find things from all over the  
galaxy. That's about the only place you can find apples and oranges  
around here, we have a replicator at home, but just isn't the  
same."  
  
So, Chakotay was back next to a fruit stand. It was quite  
impressive. There were all kind of fruits and vegetables from at  
least twenty different worlds. Chakotay couldn't help noticing all  
the ones originating from Earth. Oh Spirits, how could they have  
ended up so far away from their home. He wished he could stay here,  
too.  
  
"Hi Martine! How are you?" Tom said giving a warm hug to the forty  
something woman.  
  
"The little one is not with you, today?"  
  
"No, but I have my friend Chakotay with me."  
  
"I see that he is the one who's carrying the bags," Martine said  
teasingly.  
  
"He's just earning his meal," Tom said casting another of his  
mischievous smiles. "Looks like your receiving new stuff every  
week?" he observed. His gaze was flying over the huge display.  
  
"Yes. It's a good season right now. I just received something  
you've got the see. I think it's a vegetable. I just don't know yet  
what I could do with it."  
  
She left them for a few minutes and came back holding something.  
Chakotay's eyes grew wide in recognition. He could barely hide his  
disgust.  
  
"It's some kind of root," Martine said.  
  
"Leola root, to be more exact," Chakotay confirmed.  
  
"Is it any good?" Tom asked.  
  
"Well, it's really... versatile. But trust me, you won't like it,"  
Chakotay told him, knowing how much Tom hated the thing.  
  
"You know Martine, I'll go with the usual."  
  
"Oh Thomas, You never try new things!" she said with mock  
disappointment.  
  
"Sure I do, but when it comes to food I prefer sticking to what I  
know."  
  
They left Martine fruit stand for what Tom called his all time  
favorite place, the coffee shop. For someone who was not a coffee  
lover as much as Kathryn and Tom were, Chakotay still found himself  
quite excited over all the different jars containing over sixty  
different kinds of this precious delicacy. Chakotay started wishing  
he could bring Kathryn here. He knew she would be ecstatic.  
  
"You like coffee, Chakotay?"  
  
"Not as much as you do, that's for sure. I just was thinking of a  
friend who would be delighted to be here. Remember Kathryn Janeway,  
Captain Kathryn Janeway?"  
  
"Kathryn Janeway? You know her?" Tom asked very surprised.  
  
"Yes."  
  
Tom eyed him oddly like if he was hesitant of sharing his thoughts.  
Somehow his features had changed, just like when the Commander had  
mentioned the new assignment from Starfleet earlier. "I'm afraid I  
don't know her personally. But, she served under *Dear Old Dad* for  
a couple of years," he sighed in order to wash the bitterness that  
had tinted his tone at the reference of his father. "Chakotay,  
Kathryn Janeway disappeared a few months ago, God knows where. The  
department have been looking for her, but no success so far. I'm  
sorry."  
  
"I didn't know that. I'm sorry, too," Chakotay replied quietly.  
  
*You just don't know how sorry, I'm. At least, you haven't forgot  
all about her.*  
  
"So, you have a preference for coffee?" his companion asked more  
lightly.  
  
"About a taste from home? Colombian is good."  
  
"Sold!" Tom made his way to the jar and took a spoonful of the dark  
brown beans and put them in a bag.  
  
***  
  
The Paris home was about fifteen minutes outside Port-Ayalexis, in  
a small residential area call Seal-Cove. It was an old house, that  
Tom and Loreena had renovated with a lot of taste. The front door  
swung open as Sayana ran into the house. She was followed closely  
by the blond Labrador, Mocha, that greeted them on the porch.  
  
Chakotay exchanged a smile with Tom who was rolling his eyes in  
mock disagreement. They had left the market in hover car and had  
stop by Sayana's school to pick her up at the end of her classes.  
  
"Daddy!" called a high pitch voice as three years old Solenn ran  
into her father's arms. Tom had barely enough time to put the  
grocery bags on the floor, before he easily lifted up his daughter.  
He placed a kiss on her forehead and gave her a bear hug. An  
affectionate gesture that Chakotay had seen him do with his seven  
years old, earlier. He could see the obvious resemblance between  
the two. Solenn had her father's fair complexion and his blue eyes.  
Sayana however, bared absolutely no resemblance to him with her  
auburn hair and brown eyes, but somehow she seemed familiar.  
  
"Hi there! How's my Soleil?" Tom asked happily.  
  
"Shining," she answered making Tom softly chuckle.  
  
"Oh?... Hello," Solenn told Chakotay as she realized his presence  
behind her father.  
  
"Solenn, this is my friend Chakotay. Chakotay this Solenn, my  
little Sunshine."  
  
"Nice meeting you, Solenn."  
  
The little girl kept staring at him for a minute with sparkling  
blue eyes that would remind B'Elanna of her dear warp core.  
Chakotay smiled to himself. What would B'Elanna think of this? Did  
she know? Assuming this was, had been, real.  
  
"You have a drawing on your head like Mr. Blank," Solenn finally  
told him.  
  
Tom looked back at him with a smile that was holding back his  
laughter. "Mr. Black is one of the gold fish," he whispered to him.  
"Solenn, why don't you show your fish tank to Chakotay while I get  
rid of all the bags?"  
  
"You wanna see MY fishes?" she asked.  
  
"Yes, I would like that very much."  
  
"Daddy! I'm going play with Thalia!" Sayana called, passing by  
them, the dog still on her heels.  
  
"Don't forget to be back in time for supper," Tom simply reminded  
her.  
  
Chakotay followed Solenn to a corner of the living room where the  
fish tank was displayed on a shelf above a small play table.  
  
The child took great delight at pointing all fishes by their names.  
There were Mr. Black, the gold fish with a black mark on his head,  
Mr. Red and Mr. White. She turned of her heels:  
  
"The cat is Mr. Blue!" she said laughing.  
  
"As you can see, we are very original when it comes to pet names,"  
he heard Tom say from the kitchen.  
  
Chakotay turned to look at the cat. On the chair near the fireplace  
there was the blue-grey Himalayan, he had seen before. The cat that  
had been sitting on Tom's laps in the Winter Garden. *It could  
definitely be Tom's animal guide,* Chakotay told himself.  
  
He rapidly surveyed the living room. It was a warm room with a lot  
of windows through which you could see the sea at the far end of  
the backyard. On one side, there was the fireplace surrounded by  
sofas. At the other end, there was a baby grand piano standing  
proudly on an oriental rug covering the hard wood floor. There were  
a few coffee tables here and there covered with pictures and books.  
Paintings were decorating the walls on which the light of the  
afternoon sun was shining on.  
  
Chakotay approached the fireplace, where he found a family picture.  
He looked closely at the women. *Ricky!* Tom's favorite  
holo-character was his wife, Loreena?! Quite frankly, he didn't  
really know what to think of this. He still wasn't sure if this  
whole thing was part of Tom's memories or one very elaborate  
fantasy.  
  
He came back to the picture, it had been taken in a park, that  
could have been the Winter Garden, on a bright summer day. The  
children were sitting on there parents laps. They were smiling and  
holding each other. Chakotay could swear he felt the love that  
emanated from the picture.  
  
He was about to put it back to its place when he saw the silver  
necklace that both Tom and Loreena were wearing. It was an Decca-  
star in a thin circle. Chakotay knew the symbol and the  
implications that it meant. It was the logo of The Silver-Seas  
Foundation: an non-profit and non-political organization that was  
an ally of Amnesty International, promoting and protecting ethical  
rights. The Foundation had put itself on the line while providing  
aid to the people of the DMZ, on both sides of the line.  
  
He remembered that Starfleet was not to please with that fact, and  
that they were keeping an close tap on the Foundation's activities.  
Did this mean Tom was a member of the Foundation? It surely  
explained his presence on Kimira, since the Foundation headquarters  
were in Port-Ayalexis. However, he didn't recall ever seeing Tom  
wearing the necklace before, neither on Voyager or while working  
with the Maquis. *Who really are you, Tom Paris?* he asked himself.  
He exchanged a few words with Solenn, then found his way to the  
kitchen, where Tom was chatting with a woman that was in her mid  
sixties.  
  
"Chakotay, meet my mother-in-law, Hester," Tom said. "Chakotay is  
going to stay with us for a few days, while he conducts some  
business in Port-Ayalexis."  
  
"It's a pleasure to meet you. Mr. Chakotay," Hester told him,  
bending her head a little and smiling. He could see a faint  
resemblance with Sayana.  
  
"The pleasure is all mine," he said, repeating the greeting  
gesture.  
  
"Tom, I'll see you tomorrow. I have to run, otherwise I'll be late  
for my dance class. Don't forget to take your medication and to get  
some rest."  
  
"Yes, ma'am." Tom's words rolled off of his tongue in a practice  
manner.  
  
With one last kiss to Solenn, Hester left rushing out the door,  
leaving Tom with his task of putting the groceries away.  
  
"Medication?" Chakotay echoed, being careful of the tone of voice  
he used.  
  
"It's nothing really. I was sick a while back. I'm better now. The  
medication is just to prevent a relapse," Tom answered as he was  
putting the fruits and the vegetables in the refrigerator. "Pull up  
a chair, my friend. Would you like something to drink? We've got  
about anything you can think of: apero, wine, juice... If we don't,  
there is the replicator."  
  
"A glass of fruit juice would be nice," said Chakotay as he sat  
down at the table.  
  
Tom gave him a glass of cranberry juice, pored himself a glass of  
wine, then went on putting the food away. They kept the discussion  
light, talking mostly about how well the Kimirian society was  
recovering from the war with the Irsians. Chakotay couldn't help  
but notice how everything had its place in the cupboard. The  
kitchen was very well designed.  
  
Once the groceries had been properly stored, Tom started to make a  
salad to accompany the pasta. While he was doing so, he talked with  
Chakotay and kept an eye on Solenn. The little girl was in the  
living room putting a puzzle together.  
  
At about that time, Sayana came in drenched from head to toe.  
  
"What happened?" asked Tom concerned, as he helped her out the wet  
clothing.  
  
"It just started to rain really hard," said the child through  
chattering teeth.  
  
One glance out the window, provided the evidence to collaborate her  
story. It was only then that Chakotay became aware of the sound of  
the beating rain on the glass panes. *Why didn't I noticed that  
before?* he wondered.  
  
"That's weird," Tom observed. "The sun was shining just minutes  
ago,"  
Then turned his attention back to his oldest daughter. "Go put on  
some dry clothes before you get sick, Whirlwind."  
  
From his seat at the table, Chakotay had not missed one detail of  
the scene that had just occurred. He hadn't missed Tom concerned  
look. The older man had noticed that some very small details were  
sometimes amiss. Chakotay filled that piece of information to the  
back of his mind and came back to the here and now, so to say, as  
Tom came back to the kitchen.  
  
"The weather is always unpredictable in the Fall. I could swear  
that it's becoming darker faster, too. That's unusual. I hope  
Loreena took her umbrella this morning," Tom said as a matter of  
act.  
  
"I think that it's the same on every planet that experience  
seasonality," said Chakotay. *God, I'm starting to sound like  
Kathryn.*  
  
A few minutes later, Sayana came back dressed in a sweat shirt and  
pants that obviously came from two different outfits. The clashing  
colors rivaled even Neelix's wardrobe.  
  
"Is this okay?" she asked he father.  
  
"Well, Whirlwind, it's quite colorful," said Tom, cracking a smile.  
"As long as your aunt Victoria doesn't see you, your fine. My older  
sister is a fashion designer. The other, Christine, is a marine  
Biologist," he informed Chakotay.   
  
"What do I do, now?" asked the child already bored.  
  
"What kind of homework do you have tonight?"  
  
"Just some spelling, and I know those words," said Sayana  
confidently.  
  
"Really?" replied Tom. "Why don't you go and get me your notebook  
and we go over them together?"  
  
Reluctantly, she went upstairs and came back with her vocabulary  
note PADD. She handed it to her father He put it on the counter,  
next to the salad bowl. It was only then that Chakotay realized,  
that she had never stepped into the kitchen itself. Even at that  
moment, she stood just outside of the room.  
  
Tom started to ask the simple words while making supper. Chakotay  
had tuned his chair in order to see both Tom and Sayana. She did  
know most of the words. He smiled at the fact that Mocha was on one  
of her side and Mr. Blue on the other.  
  
Tom noticed Chakotay's questioned look.  
  
"Nobody under five feet is allowed in my kitchen when I'm cooking,"  
he answered.   
  
"And that includes the four footed ones too, I see," said Chakotay  
grinning.  
  
"Especially them. They know where the line is. Don't you, Blue?"  
The big cat looked at Tom and gave a mumbled "Meow" that almost  
sounded like 'yes'. Chakotay had to laugh. He couldn't wait to tell  
all of this to Kathryn.  
  
Sayana's spelling bee was over and she was allowed to go play with  
her sister in the living room. The salad was done, and the pasta  
was cooking, when Loreena arrived. She found Tom and Chakotay in  
the kitchen.  
  
The brown harried woman was wearing a green skirt and jacket. Her  
blouse was few shades lighter. She was holding a briefcase with the  
logo of the Foundation on it. She nodded to Chakotay before  
planting a kiss on her husband's lips. The gesture was so familiar  
to Chakotay that it felt like he had just walked in Tom's holodeck  
program of Sandrine's bar.  
  
"I see we have company for supper," she observed on a friendly  
tone.  
  
"Loreena, this is an old friend, Commander Chakotay. I met him in  
the market this afternoon. He's going to be in Port-Ayalexis for a  
few days, so I invited him to stay here."  
  
"Welcome to our home Commander. It's a pleasure to meet you," she  
said smiling, presenting her hand.  
  
"Thank you. It a pleasure to meet you as well."  
  
"So what's for supper, M'Love?" she asked Tom poking around the  
pots.  
  
"Why, Pasta," Tom answered playfully. Chakotay recognized that  
tone. He had heard Tom use it with Ricky. But now, he was hearing  
it more and more around B'Elanna this days. Ricky's program having  
disappear a while back.   
  
Rushed footsteps came in toward them, and the two girls appeared  
calling:  
  
"Mommy, Mommy, you're home!"  
  
Loreena stepped out of the kitchen and scooped both of them up into  
a bear hug.  
  
"How are my girls?"  
  
"Great!" answered Sayana. "I knew all of my words this morning."  
  
"That's wonderful. And you Solenn?"  
  
"Me and Granny went to the park, and I swing high, high, high. I  
almost touch the sky!" the youngest said with enthusiasm and the  
conviction of a three years old.  
  
"You can't touch the sky, Solenn," rebuked Sayana.  
  
"Daddy can."  
  
"Girls," said Loreena before it turned into a fight. "Now, go and  
play and don't fight. Us, grownups, want to talk a little before  
supper. Okay?"  
  
"Okay," they answered as one, and went back to play.  
  
Loreena turned toward the kitchen, but was intercepted by the dog  
who wanted a pet, too.  
  
"Your worst than the children, Mocha," she told her, petting her  
head. "And how was your day?" The dog just wagged her tail happily.  
  
When she finally made it back to the kitchen, Tom was waiting for  
her with a puppy face.  
  
"You didn't ask how my day was?" he said in mock hurt.  
  
Loreena took on that puppy look, too. Obviously a private game  
between the two. Chakotay just sat back and watched as she came up  
to Tom and kissed him a second time.  
  
"And how was your day, M'Love?"  
  
"It was good. We found the Richards. Alive, all of four of them."  
  
"Now, that's good news!" she exclaimed herself. "What had happened  
to them?"  
  
"Their transport hit spatial rift and they ended-up, dead in space,  
42 light years off their original course. Once we found the rift,  
I didn't have too much difficult to track them there."  
  
"You actually entered the rift?" asked Chakotay aware of the level  
of risk involved with this kind of procedure.  
  
"Well, we did a few scans before. The rift was small, but stable.  
I didn't have any trouble going through. Piece a cake."  
  
Chakotay and Loreena shared a smile and shrugged. They both knew  
that for Tom, piloting was like breathing.  
  
"Well, I have to admit that I saw you pilot through amazing  
things," the Commander told him.  
  
"Oh, he is a man of many talents, isn't he?" Loreena teased.   
  
"You think so, M'Love?"  
  
"I do. On the other hand, if you don't want to loose your culinary  
one, you're better to take your sauce of the heater before it  
burns."  
  
"You are always right, are you M'Love?" Tom said cracking a smile.  
He gave her quick kiss on the lips before putting the sauce away.  
  
*Those two are too funny together,* Chakotay thought. They were  
making a great pair. A few minutes later, they called the kids and  
settled down at the dinner table. Tom opened a good bottle of wine,  
a luxury he appreciated more than most. He was quite a connaisseur.  
Good vintage was something he had learned growing up in the  
*Admiral's house*, and at Sandrine's. In fact, most of the items of  
his collection were gifts from the French woman. During the course  
of the meal, Chakotay had it confirmed that both of Them were  
working for the Foundation. In fact, Loreena was one on of the CEO.  
  
"Solenn, stop playing with your food and eat," said her mother.  
  
"Why? Daddy does it all the time," she argued.  
  
"See, Daddy is a grownup," Tom replied.  
  
"Daddy doesn't always give the best example," Loreena teased, her  
husband cast her a wounded look.  
  
"I don't know what this is..." Solenn said sheepishly.  
  
"You know what this is Soleil, it's a sauce rose. We had that  
before," her father told her.  
  
"Sauce rose?"  
  
"Soleil, it tomato soup with cream. It's very good," Tom said.  
  
"Tomato soup? Okay."  
  
Chakotay tried to muffle a chuckle. *The apple never falls far from  
the tree,* he thought. And this one was closer than most.  
  
After desert, Tom light up the fireplace, the adults passed to the  
living room for a cup of tea. The children were sent of to play, to  
spend their last energy before bedtime. The cat sat on his usual  
chair near the fireplace, and the dog laid in front of it, enjoying  
the warmth of the fire.  
  
Loreena came in with a three cups on a tray and a teapot. She set  
it down and pored Chakotay a cup of lemon tea.   
  
"For you, Sir. It has a good flavored body, not too sweet or tart,"  
she said presenting him the cup, the way Tom had presented his  
wine.  
  
"Thank you," he replied grinning while taking it carefully.  
  
Then she took an cup that had already been filed and handed it to  
her husband.  
  
"Straight from your sister's personal collection: your tea,  
M'Love," Loreena told him apologetically.  
  
Tom, looked into the cup a little disgusted. He hated the stuff,  
and it showed.  
  
"You see, Chakotay, we have a dozen different flavors in this  
house, and she gives me the stinky stuff," he complained. "For  
once, could I get the good vintage?" he pleaded to Loreena.  
  
"Hush, M'Love. Take your medicine," she ordered. "You shouldn't  
complain, you don't have to drink that stuff ten times a day  
anymore."  
  
"Yeah, lucky me," he said somewhere between humor and sarcasm in a  
way only Tom Paris could master. Then he emptied the cup in three  
gulps, while holding his breath. *May as well get it over quickly.*  
He always told himself.  
  
"What exactly is it?" Chakotay asked.  
  
"It an algae infusion," Tom answered. "It helps to prevent the  
division of cancerous cells. It's a long story. Now, what was it  
you wanted to talk to me about, earlier?"  
  
Chakotay stiffen in his seat. He knew the subject would have to  
come up sooner or later. He was relieved that Tom was the one who  
was bringing it up. Every passing moment were making this hard on  
Chakotay. How was he going to tell him that this was not true. That  
his life here was an illusion. That his real life was on Voyager.  
That Loreena was in fact Ricky, and that this reality was based on  
Tom's memories or a fantasy. Unfortunately, he didn't know Tom well  
enough to know where the line was drown.  
  
"Tom, can you remember when we last saw each other?" he asked.  
  
The young man eyed him oddly. He was about to say something, but  
Chakotay serious expression kept him silent. He seem very confused  
for a moment. He gazed at his wife, who gave him an encouraging  
look.  
  
"We were on a Federation starship together. I was there as an  
observer. A short mission," he finally answered mostly to himself.  
  
"That's true. You were on that ship to find me. My ship was lost in  
the Badlands. Can you be more specific? It's important, Tom." Tom  
sighed in frustration. Loreena put her hand on his forearm.  
  
"The Badlands? I was sure I had work together afterward."  
  
As Tom was about to continue, the cries of the children broke  
suddenly through the thickness of the moment. Soon Sayana ran into  
the room with a doll. She had the body in one hand and the head in  
the other.  
  
"Mommy! Mommy! Solenn broke my doll," she whined.  
  
"I wanted to dress Dolly," the youngest cried.  
  
"You took her head off!" Sayana turned to her father. "Can you fix  
it, daddy?"  
  
"Let me see what I can do, Whirlwind," he told her, taking the  
offended toy and its head. Like he had done a hundred times before,  
he put it back together again. "Thadammmm!" he said handing it back  
to Sayana.  
  
"You fixed it!" she exclaimed herself taking her doll back.  
  
"What do we say?" asked Loreena.  
  
"Thank you," answered Sayana automatically.  
  
"Your welcome," said Tom kissing Sayana's forehead.  
  
"Now, girls if you can't behave, both of you will go to bed right  
now," Loreena warned them in a stern voice.  
  
"But, bath comes first," Solenn informed her mother as sternly.  
  
Which made the adults smiled.  
  
"Yes it does and that's what it's time for, so both of you  
upstairs," their mother said getting up.  
  
"No," Solenn said not moving an inch.  
  
"What do you mean: no?"  
  
"I want Daddy."  
  
"Fine you can have Daddy. Now go!"  
  
Tom was trying hard not to laugh, Chakotay even harder.  
  
"You heard her Tom," Loreena commanded him. "Off to the tub."  
  
"Yes, ma'am." He apologized to Chakotay saying that the children  
were running this part of the show, then he added as he was getting  
up and heading upstairs after the children; "oh, powerful Daddy  
fixer of all things."  
  
"Oh, all mighty Mommy; finder of all lost things," Loreena  
answered.  
  
It was clear to Chakotay that those lines had been well rehearsed  
before. He also noticed that one parent never overdid the other.  
  
**  
  
Less than fifteen minutes later, it was bath time for the Paris  
girls. From the kitchen downstairs, Chakotay could hear the  
children and Tom laughing, while he was helping Loreena to put the  
dishes away.  
  
"They are certainly enjoying themselves," he remarked.  
  
"The girls love their father. He tries to make every moment he  
spends with them special. Bath time is no exception." She laughed.  
"There is usually a lot of water on the floor when he is done. He  
gets as wet as they do and he is not even in the tub. Sometimes I  
wonder how he does it."  
  
They heard the kids squealed and laughed even harder. Tom even  
joined the chorus. Loreena and Chakotay had to laughed too, when a  
disgusted wet Mr. Blue flew down the stairs. The only thing still  
dry was the tip of his tail. He was shaking every paw, literately,  
in his marathon for the first floor, to shake off all of the water.  
He stopped for a split second at the foot of the staircase to stare  
at the dog, that was laying there. They exchanged a glare, each  
wishing they were the other. The poor cat gave one last disgusted  
look at the dog and the two adults before fleeing to his basket.  
  
"He'll never learn to stay away," said Loreena getting her breath  
back.  
  
"I take it, it has happened before," Chakotay stated.  
  
"Only about once a month. He finds the kids bath toys fascinating.  
When he gets too close, the kids either use him as target practice,  
with their water pistols or they take him for a swim."  
  
Chakotay sat back at the table, musing once again about Tom's  
family. These people were so busy, but yet they had time to enjoy  
the small things. They were good parents, loving and caring. Tom  
always made sure every question the girls had got a reasonable  
answer, admitting that he didn't know, if it was the case, but  
promising to try to find the answer soon. Tom and Loreena had the  
principle that if a child was old enough to ask a question, he or  
she deserved an answer. Chakotay couldn't agree to that. A little  
part of him hoped that Tom would forget all this. The Delta  
Quadrant was so far from home, and they would never have a life  
like that there. However, that this was real or not, he promised  
himself never to forget his stay with this family.  
  
There was a commotion upstairs, and Chakotay's reflections were  
shattered by Solenn's screams. Loreena an the dog were on their  
feet and on their way to the upper level before he realized  
something was happening. Quickly, he followed her.  
  
"Stay," Loreena commanded to the dog who stopped dead in her  
tracks. They entered the bathroom and was welcomed by a grizzly  
sight. There was glass over most of the floor. Tom was on his knees  
holding the youngest by the shoulder trying to comfort her. Blood  
coming from an open wound on his arm, was spreading over the tiles.  
Solenn was crying and mumbling incoherent words.  
  
"Mommy, Daddy's bleeding! Daddy's bleeding!" Sayana was  
screeching.  
  
"Solenn. It's Okay. Daddy will be fine. Don't cry, Soleil," Tom was  
saying gently. His blue eyes met his wife's. "Loreena, take care of  
Solenn and Sayana."  
  
"I'll see to Tom." Chakotay told her, trying to be as reassuring as  
possible.  
  
Loreena picked up Solenn, put her daughter in the hallway, and did  
the same with the other one.  
  
"Come, I'll tuck you into bed," she said to her children lovingly,  
but firmly.  
  
Tom opened the cupboard under the sink, and pulled out a medkit.  
Chakotay helped Tom pick himself off of the floor. As soon as he  
stood straight, Chakotay felt him go limp in his arms.  
  
***  
  
The alarm went off, and B'Elanna woke up. She got up from the  
biobed where she had dozed off earlier and saw The Doctor come to  
Tom's bedside. She bit her lip to prevent herself from asking what  
was wrong. She wasn't sure if she could find her voice anyway. The  
Doctor had let her sleep in sickbay as long as she stayed out of  
his way. It had been five hours since Chakotay had initiated his  
lucid dream. She could only hoped that he had made contact with Tom  
during all that time.  
  
"His blood pressure is drooping," The EMH was kind enough to inform  
her. He pressed a few hyposprays against his patient's neck. His  
concern lessened by the desired effects of the medicine, but they  
did not fix everything. "He is starting to experience respiratory  
difficulties. I'm putting him on respiratory support."  
  
"Doctor, time is running out, isn't it?" B'Elanna voiced her fear.   
  
  
The Doctor looked at her in dismay for a few seconds. "I'm afraid  
so. Whatever the Commander is doing, he better do it fast."  
  
***  
  
They went to Tom's bedroom, where he sat on the bed.  
  
"What happened?" Chakotay asked as he helped Tom take off his  
sweater in order to see where all the blood was coming from. For  
the first time, he had a close look at Tom's necklace.  
  
"Sayana brought up a glass earlier to get a drink of water. In was  
dressing Solenn. Somehow I hit it and it fell on the toilet, then  
shattered. Shards flew every where and one cut me. It's a miracle  
that none of the girls were hurt. How does it look?" he asked as an  
after thought. The long gash on his left arm was bleeding  
profusely.  
  
"In can't tell, it's bleeding too much," the Commander admitted.  
"How can you bleed so much?"  
  
"My blood doesn't clot well. It's a side effect of the tea."  
  
"The tea?"  
  
"In had cancer a while back. The stinky stuff prevents it's  
reoccurrence by preventing rapid cell division. It interferes with  
wound healing and blood clothing."  
  
Chakotay nodded as he opened the medkit, and pulled out a  
tricorder, a hypospray containing a coagulant, and a dermal  
regeneration patch. Following Tom's instructions, he gave him a  
dose of the coagulant, then scanned the wound that was still  
bleeding even with the pressure that was applied to it.  
  
"There is no glass in it," he informed Tom. Then, he wiped as much  
of the blood away, and rapidly place the dermal patch. It sealed  
itself to the skin and prevented further blood loss.  
  
"How are the girls?" Tom asked his wife the minute she stepped into  
the room.  
  
"They're fine. Solenn is under her magic blanket. Don't worry. How  
are you?" she asked coming to kneel beside Chakotay.  
  
"Fine. Chakotay missed his vocation. He would make a good nurse."  
The Commander chuckled. "No, not me. You would have more the nerves  
to do that than I would." *After all, you're the one The Doctor  
chose to be his medical assistant.*  
  
"Pretty hard to do that, when you're the patient," Tom commented  
with a hint of humor.   
  
  
Loreena gave a good look over Tom to see if there was no other  
cuts. There wasn't any, but a nasty bruise was forming where he had  
hit the floor. There was an other one on the other side, that seem  
to be a few days old.  
  
"How did you get that?" she asked her husband.  
  
"In don't know," answered Tom looking at the brownish spot.  
  
"How have you been feeling lately?" Loreena asked him. She hated to  
see bruises on Tom, especially when he didn't remember getting  
them.  
  
"Good, maybe a little tired, but its midterm season."  
  
Tom and Chakotay could see how worried she was getting.  
  
"I got the afternoon off, tomorrow. I'm going to call Dr. Burgers  
and make an appointment for you. We can meet for lunch, and then go  
together."  
  
Tom started to argue that it wasn't necessary. That he was fine.  
But, Loreena didn't buy it. She reminded him how Dr. Burgers had  
impressed on them the importance of early detection during his last  
bought with cancer. He looked down at his arm that was covered with  
drying blood, and had to concede with her.  
  
"Okay, but don't tell the girls. They don't need to be more  
frightened than they already are."  
  
"In won't. Now you stay still and rest for a bit. You got to let  
that heal before you get up and around. I'll bring you something  
sweet to raise your glucose level."  
  
"But what about the story?"  
  
"The children will make do without their daily addition to the trip  
of the intrepid starship Voyager. I'll do it the old fashion way.  
I'll read them a book. I don't want to see you out of that bed  
until I come back."  
  
"Yes, ma'am," said Tom laying back and watching her go. "Loreena?"  
  
"Yes?" she asked turning back.  
  
"Can I have a kiss?" She bent forward and put a tender kiss on her  
husband's lips. Before leaving, she asked Chakotay to make sure  
that Tom wouldn't move off that bed before she returns. He smiled  
at her in agreement.  
  
"What's the story about the intrepid starship Voyager?" he asked  
intrigued at how Tom's mind was processing that part of his life.  
  
He was first answered by a chuckle.   
  
  
"The girls were saying that they were too old for fairy tales, that  
there wasn't enough action. So, I started a story of my own. It's  
about a starship lost in space. Their mommy is the Captain.  
Sayana's father is the first officer. Of course, I'm the pilot.  
Sayana is the chief engineer, and Solenn is the nurse. Dr. Burgers  
is the doctor and Tad, the butcher you met at the market, is the  
cook. Each evening, we add an other adventure to Voyager crew. It's  
actually a lot of fun."  
  
"Sayana's father," Chakotay echoed.  
  
"I didn't tell you this, did I? Loreena was involved with Adrian  
before we met. Together they had Sayana, but it didn't work out.  
When I met Loreena, Sayana was already 14 months old. Now, I'm the  
lucky one to be married with Loreena, and Adrian married a charming  
woman, Claire, three years ago. We're all good friends."  
  
"Don't tell me, in your story, the Captain and the pilot are having  
a heated lover affair," Chakotay said teasingly.  
  
"Actually, it didn't turn out that way. See, the pilot fell madly  
in love with the dishing, but opinionated, chief engineer. When it  
comes to the Captain, she is having a secret, but not so secret  
passionate love affair with her First Officer."  
  
It took every bit of control he could master, so that Chakotay  
would not blush. *How much does Tom know about me and Kathryn?* he  
wondered worried.  
  
***  
  
"Are you coming to bed?" Loreena asked hopeful.  
  
"Not yet. I got some more work to do," Tom answered.  
  
"You know, you're working too hard and you need some real sleep,"  
she said. "If you're not sleepy, I'm sure I could fine a way to  
tire you. We could practice making that other baby..." Loreena  
proposed with the saddest puppy face Chakotay had ever seen.  
  
"I knew you had an ulterior motive to get me into bed," he teased  
her. "This is really becoming an obsession."  
  
"Like you're not obsess with sex..." she said.  
  
"Tell me Dear, am I leaving you unsatisfied?"  
  
"Of course not M'Love."  
  
"Good. But, I was not talking about sex, I was referring to that  
baby idea of yours. I thought we had settle this? You see,  
Chakotay, we've been at this for the last year."  
  
"Well, I want another one. A little boy with you curly blond hair  
and you're sky blue eyes. Doctor Burgers says that there is no more  
risk due to your illness. That with some help from science we would  
have an healthy baby."  
  
"It's not a kid she wants," he told Chakotay. "It's a clone of me!"  
  
"Apparently, she doesn't have enough of one of you," Chakotay said  
grinning.  
  
"He's right M'Love," Loreena told Tom and kissed him.  
  
"Me, who thought we had just settle that one, too," he said  
teasingly.  
  
***  
  
It was very quiet in the Paris household. Everyone had gone to bed.  
Chakotay had not been tiered, but had decided to play along. He was  
laying in the guest bedroom, staring at the ceiling. He was going  
over the events on the day, making a metal report for the Captain.  
He was still trying to figure out how he was going to tell Tom that  
this was not real. Each time, he had tried to bring the subject up,  
something had happened: the kids needed something, the dog wanted  
to go outside, a call from a co-worker. Obviously, Tom defense  
mechanisms were running interference in order to protect him.  
  
The screeching cries of a child made him jumped. One of the girls  
was crying. A few seconds later, Chakotay heard Tom come up the  
stairs and enter Solenn's room, which was just across from his  
bedroom.  
  
"It's okay, Sunshine. Daddy's here. Was it an other bad dream?"  
  
Tom's voice was calm and soothing. The child's crying subsided a  
little.  
  
Chakotay heard Solenn mumble a response.  
  
"Tell Daddy, all about it," said Tom in that same gentle voice.  
  
Solenn had calmed down significantly, since her father's arrival.  
  
Chakotay heard the bed covers rustle.  
  
"You got your magic blanket?" asked Tom.  
  
Chakotay heard a mumbled 'yes', then the squeak of the old wooden  
rocking chair.  
  
The child started to tell her dream to her father. It was not a  
trivial tale of monsters in the closet. What she spoke of revealed  
horrors that he had heard about the Irsian/Kimiran War. Chakotay  
wondered at how such a young child raised in a loving family could  
have such dark dreams. Then again, he reminded himself that this  
was Tom's reality. A reality in which Tom's was probably reliving  
a part of his life, reacting to elements thrown at him from the  
outside, and dealing with his own defense mechanisms. Solenn's  
dreams could just be an other way for Tom's mind to express itself.  
Chakotay wasn't a counselor and felt frustrated at the uncertainty  
he felt toward all his assumptions.  
  
Tom had listened, never saying anything that could have minimized  
what the child was saying. It was clear that it wasn't his first  
time dealing with the nightmares.  
  
"You're safe," he told his daughter. "The war is long gone. It will  
never happen again. Sayana, mommy and I will take good care of you,  
My little Soleil."  
  
Chakotay heard the sound of a ruffling blanket, then the chair  
began to rock. Then Tom began to sing, on a soft sweet voice:  
  
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when  
skies are grey. You'll never know dear how much I love you. Please  
don't take my sunshine away."  
  
The melody almost put Chakotay to sleep, but he came to when he  
heard Tom leave the room. He went down stairs. Chakotay got up, and  
after putting a robe on, he followed him.  
  
Tom was in the kitchen getting something to drink. The first thing  
that the older man noticed was that Tom was still dressed.  
Obviously, he had not been asleep, like Chakotay had assumed.  
  
"Did Solenn wake you?" asked Tom concerned, when he saw Chakotay.  
  
"No, I was awake before that."  
  
"Good. The other women of the house sleep so soundly, that they  
rarely wake up when Solenn cries. Do you want something to drink?  
I was going to get my self a boll of hot milk."  
  
"Some tea, thank you. Does Solenn often have such bad nightmares?"  
Chakotay asked.  
  
"She's been having bad dreams since she was small baby. But, they  
have been getting more regular lately."  
  
"Where does she get the images to fuel such dreams?" wondered  
Chakotay concerned.  
  
"I wish I knew," Tom answered with a sigh reflecting his own  
worries. "We have been keeping her quite sheltered when it comes to  
those things. We never talk about the war when she is around.  
Sometimes, it's as if she had been there, with us." Tom stopped and  
smiled to himself a bit, a sad smile. And then, a tear rolled onto  
his cheek. He looked away and busied himself stirring the milk.  
  
Chakotay did not say anything. What could he say? After a few  
minutes of a awkward silence, he decided to change the subject.  
  
"What time is it?"  
  
"Twenty past two."  
  
"Where you still up because you expected Solenn to wake up?" he  
asked.  
  
"Not particularly." He answered, giving a cup of hot tea to his  
guest. As he poured the hot milk into a boll, he went on: "I'm one  
of those night persons who do there best work when everybody else  
have gone to bed. I was putting the finishing touches to my lecture  
for tomorrow."  
  
"Lecture?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm teaching Emergency Flight Procedures 401 at the  
university. The class is in the morning."  
  
"Could I come?"  
  
"Sure, I'd like that."  
  
"Since when do you teach?"  
  
"Four years, now. I started as Professor Semak assistant instructor  
while I was doing my doctorate in criminology. I'm up for tenure  
next year."  
  
"Criminology? What's the link with piloting?" *Criminology? Now,  
where does that come from? Is it a way to explain his criminal  
record?*  
  
"None. I just have many different interests. As long as I'm  
qualified, they pretty much let me teach anything," Tom shrugged.  
  
The atmosphere was calm, friendly and relax. Chakotay considered  
the timing perfect to tell Tom why he was there. So, he did until,  
he heard the front door open. *What now?*  
  
"Is that you Gael?" Tom asked like a parent who had been expecting  
a teenager that have had a special permission to break curfew.  
  
"Yeah, Tom. I'm going to bed. See you tomorrow," a young man said  
from somewhere in the hallway.  
  
"Come here a minute. Why are such in a hurry, tonight?" Tom asked  
as he got to his feet and met Gael in the hall. Chakotay heard him   
start laughing and went to joined them. What he saw shocked him.  
Gael was standing in front of them sheepishly. He was covered in  
mud from head to toe.  
  
"What happened *this* time?" Tom managed to asked between two  
chuckles.  
  
"Oh, not much. Just hanging with the gang."  
  
"The usual, I see. Gael go take a shower. I can smell you from  
here. I see we need to have that discussion about the Catacombs  
again."  
  
Before leaving, Gael shyly handed a PADD to Tom.  
  
"And you got arrested, too," Tom observed lightly without even  
reading the content. "What did Chief Rayan have to say?"  
  
"That even if he knew that you probably weren't sleeping yet, that  
this wasn't worth disturbing you. I think he knew you'd never let  
me into your car."  
  
"Wonder why," Tom started shaking his head from side to side, a  
smile still on his face. This was not worrying him too much.  
  
"Could you sign it and give it back to the Constable?" Gael asked  
pointing to the PADD.  
  
"I'll sign it, but you are going to take it back. That's your  
responsibility."  
  
"I suppose so. Who's your friend?" Gael asked changing the subject.  
  
"This is Chakotay. Gael," Tom introduced. "Go to bed. I'll see you  
tomorrow."  
  
"You too. Don't stay up all night you need your beauty sleep," the  
young man told him.  
  
Chakotay watched Gael go as he mused about the fact that everyone  
knew Tom wasn't sleeping. *Wonder if just here, or if he also  
doesn't sleep much on Voyager, too?*  
  
"Now, that was Gael. He's a kids I'm helping to stay on the right   
track. I found him a few years back. He had joined one of the  
street gangs of Port-Ayalexis after the death of his parents.  
Loreena and I offered him a place to stay. He can come and go as   
he pleases. Although, we see him more often now that he decided to   
go back to school. His doing great. His good kid and we all love  
him a lot. His like a little brother to me."  
  
*A little brother, just like Harry.*  
  
They didn't have the time to sit back in the kitchen, when a  
computerized voice informed them of an incoming message from  
Admiral Larsen.  
  
"Sorry about that," Tom sighted. "Chakotay, why don't you go back  
to bed, and I'll see what my boss wants?"  
  
"Sure, see you tomorrow."  
  
***  
  
Chakotay entered the kitchen the next morning. It was smelling of  
fresh made coffee. The kitchen table had been set for the morning  
meal. It took an few seconds for him to recognize Gael, sitting at  
one side. *Wow, can just a shower change a person this much?* He  
had thought that the young man had brown hair, but they were  
actually paler than Tom's. The girls were finishing their bolls of  
cereal. Loreena was also there, dressed in a blue tailor, ready to  
go to work.  
  
"Good morning, Chakotay," Loreena greeted. "Did you slept well?"   
  
"Good morning, and yes I did. Where's Tom?"  
  
"In his office. Why don't you go get him. His breakfast is getting  
cold," she suggested. "It's the room at the end of the hallway."  
  
Chakotay wasn't in Tom's office yet, that he could heard him laugh.  
The first thing that the Commander noticed when he entered the  
room, that is after the pictures papering one wall, and the book  
shelf's, was the blue fish. He had never seen such a pretty  
creature before.  
  
"What is that?" he asked his host.  
  
"Oh, that's Indigo, he's a Siamese fighter fish. My sister,  
Christine, the one who is the marine biologist, gave him to me. She  
has a whole collection and said that he reminded her of me. Go  
figure."  
  
"Already back to work," he pointed out, while looking closely at  
the fish. It was moving around showing off long flowing fins.  
  
"Correcting a few assignments. Steph, one of my students, writes  
very interesting papers. To bad he can't spell. Still, that kid is  
a smart-ass."  
  
"I know somebody like that," Chakotay mumble trying to make out the  
face on the picture behind the fish boll. He knew it. Delicately,  
he pushed the boll aside, then got a good look at Harry Kim's face.  
He lifted up his head and gazed at all the pictures on the wall.  
There were people from Voyager's crew, mixed with other people he  
didn't know. His eyes rested on Kathryn's face. Her hair was cut  
short. The Commander assumed that Tom's memories of her were  
recent.  
  
"Are they all missing people?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah, an awful lot, huh?" he looked at the picture Chakotay was  
staring at. "I'm sorry about her. The only thing I can tell you is  
that were doing the best we can to find her. To find them."  
  
"I'm sure you do," Chakotay replied with convictions. "Well, I've  
been sent by your wife to find you, and tell you that breakfast is  
getting cold."  
  
"Let's go then."  
  
***  
  
"People," Tom addressed his students. "I know that spelling is  
hard, but you could at least spell the technical terms right. You  
know, there such a thing as a glossary at the end of your textbook.  
Tell you what: if this doesn't improve by the end of the semester,  
the final 15% of your mark won't be on participation, it'll on a  
spelling bee."  
  
The whole class shooed and booed at him.  
  
"Come on my seven years old could do better!" Tom said, as he held  
up his hand to put an end to the protestations. "Well, well," he  
added with a mischievous smile. "I suppose you're going to have to  
work on this, won't you?" He shrugged. "Now that this has been  
taken care of, why don't we pass at the fun part? If I remember  
correctly, last class we were orbiting Planet Hell, weren't we?"  
  
The students agreed. From his seat in the corner, Chakotay could  
hear some mumbled laughter. These students were not Starfleet  
cadets, that was obvious. But, as much as Tom was running his  
classroom like the one of a public university, one could tell  
however that he was an Academy graduate. Chakotay had to admit to  
himself that Tom was quite a good teacher. A very entertaining one,  
too. After everything he had seen so far, why was he surprised?  
  
They were discussing methods to achieve orbit around a planet with  
strong magnetic poles, known to all as Planet Hell, which was  
represent by a small beach ball, that Tom was tossing to anyone who  
had a comment. They were betting replicator rations on the validity  
of the various hypotheses.  
  
"Replicator rations?" Chakotay asked puzzled and quite amused.  
  
"We needed something to bet with. Since we can't wager anything  
real, I came up with the replicator rations from the bedtime story  
I tell the children."   
  
So, like all the other students Chakotay started to bet rations  
too. They had included him as a full member of the group, and the  
Commander was having a great time. As a Starfleet officer, and a  
pilot, he thought of many situations applicable to the subject at  
hand. The two and a half hour class passed too quickly.  
  
"Tom," Steph whined, after Tom had explained the Zerok manoeuver.  
  
"Tell me this is something Semak and you don't agree on. There's  
got to be an easier way to do that!"  
  
"Steph, there always something easier than a Vulcan technique. But,  
the Zerok Manoeuver is very effective. Trust me, it looks worst  
than it is. Go try it in the simulator, all of you. If you have any  
questions, you know I'm always available. Gee, if you guys can't  
contact me, get worried! This was a lot of fun. I look forward to  
next week"  
  
***  
  
Tom and Chakotay were walking down a the busy hallway of Yanka  
University, in downtown Port-Ayalexis, when a young Vulcan student  
came up to them.  
  
"Mr. Paris, can I have a word with you."  
  
Tom stopped dead in his tracks, looking around like he was  
searching for someone, then he look back at the student.  
  
"Are you talking to me?"  
  
The student nodded puzzled. Chakotay had to bite his lower lip to  
prevent himself from laughing.  
  
"I'm sorry," Tom continued. "I was afraid you were talking to my  
dad. You see, he's Mr. Paris, I'm Tom. And yes, you can I have a  
word with me as long as I get it back. I might want to use it  
again, later."  
  
The student eyed him oddly trying to process the logic of Tom's  
sense of humor. It was just the thing to do to a Vulcan.  
  
"What can I do for you, Mr. Lirok?"  
  
"I was wondering if I could attend your Fl-447 class, while I'm  
doing the pre-requisite course?"  
  
"If you can survive my sense of humor, I don't see any problems."  
  
"Thank you, sir."  
  
"And don't sir me! Were not in the military."  
  
"Sorry... Tom."   
  
"You'll do just fine in my class, Mr. Lirok."  
  
Once the Vulcan departed, Chakotay turned to him.  
  
"You never seemed offended at me calling you, Mr. Paris."  
  
"You have?" Tom asked.  
  
"Sure, you probably didn't say anything because I outrank you," the  
Commander stated.  
  
"Well, you don't any more, so don't do it again. It's really  
insulting, you know. Especially since you're my friend."  
  
"I'll keep that in mind," Chakotay said smiling.  
  
Once outside they started to make their way toward a small French  
bistro called: Les Copins D'Abord, where the two men were supposed  
to have lunch with Loreena. The restaurant was located on the pier  
following the bay, which had given the nickname of Blue Heart City  
to Port-Ayalexis.  
  
It was quite a beautiful day. The sun was shining making the water  
sparkle, and the yellows, reds and oranges of the leaves even  
brighter. Chakotay was enjoying every minutes of it. It felt so  
real to his senses, so good for his aching spirit.  
  
A hand suddenly grasped his arm and Chakotay turned just in time to  
take a hold of Tom before the young man's legs gave away.  
  
"Tom! What's wrong?"   
  
His companion was bent in half, visibly in a lot of pain. His  
respiration was quick and shallow. Chakotay could see the colour   
fading away from Toms face by the second.  
  
*You have waited to long!* he accused himself. *You have to tell  
him now! He's dying!*  
  
"Tom, you have to listening to me," he ordered. "I'm here to bring   
you back to Voyager. It's time to go back. This isn't real.  
Remember, when we met in the Winter Garden, I told you I would help  
you come back home. Home is Voyager, now. "  
  
Chakotay could tell that, even if Tom was barely listening, some of  
his words had meaning to him.  
  
"Please Chakotay, go get Loreena," he pleaded, between two painful  
breaths. The bistro, it's just by the corner. Chakotay, I can't  
leave without her."  
  
Tom's anguish and pain cut right through Chakotay's heart. Deep  
inside, he knew that Tom would never follow him, whatever he said.   
He wasn't ready to leave without Loreena. He wasn't ready to live   
without her, either. So, against his better judgement, Chakotay  
dragged Tom to a bench and helped him sit down.   
  
"Hold on. I'm coming right back with Loreena," he promised.  
  
The Commander started running as fast as he could toward the  
restaurant. The thought of leaving Tom behind, in pain, was tiring   
him apart. He was almost at the corner of the street. He could see   
the French bistro.   
  
But, he never made it there.  
  
  
End of Part 3.  
  
We know, we might have pushed the limits a little That's the   
effects Secrets have on us. Still interested? Look for *In The  
Dark:   
It happened One Night*  
Please, we need feedback.   
Synbou (a.k.a Isabelle S and Louise B)  
synbou@hotmail.com  
  
copyrights @ May 1998 


	4. It Happened One Night.

Disclaimer: The usual legal stuff applies. Tom Paris and the rest  
of the Voyager's crew belong to Paramount. But, the people of  
Port-Ayalexis (all this little universe) is ours. This story is 4/5  
of the In the Dark saga.  
  
SYNOPSIS: Chakotay goes back into Tom's reality in order to  
convince him to come home. This time, with some additional help.  
  
In The Dark, part 4: It Happened One Night.  
by Synbou.  
Synbou@hotmail.com  
  
Captain Kathryn Janeway jumped, startled at the sound of another  
alarm. She instinctively looked at Tom Paris's readings before  
realizing that the sound hadn't come from beside her, but from  
behind her. Her gaze crossed B'Elanna's own look of desperation  
before she turned to Commander Chakotay's bedside, ready to give  
The Doctor some assistance. With a quick nod, the EMH left Paris  
under Ensign Wildman's supervision, then joined the Captain.  
  
The tension in Sickbay had risen in a matter of seconds. First,  
Tom's blood pressured had dropped for the umpteen time today. Now,  
Chakotay's vitals were getting life threatening as well. His pulse  
was awfully fast, his breathing quick and shallow, as thought he  
was running a marathon. She bit her lower lip as the fear of losing  
either man, or even worse both of them, crossed her mind. The  
Doctor applied a hypospray on Chakotay's neck and the Commander  
literally bolted upright. Janeway stepped backward in surprise  
while B'Elanna almost cried out-loud.  
  
"Commander! Are you all right?" The Doctor asked concerned.  
  
Chakotay blinked several times. His confusion was obvious on his  
tattooed face. Janeway could have sworn she saw a haunted look in  
his dark eyes. Quickly regaining her control, she approached her  
First Officer.  
  
"Chakotay." It took him a moment to register her voice and look at  
her. His eyes seemed clearer, but he was wearing the same  
expression. "You're back on Voyager."  
  
"What... what happened?" he managed between two harsh breaths.  
  
"Your vitals were erratic. They were starting to be life  
threatening, so I revived you," explained The Doctor. "Thee is  
enough of Lieutenant Paris's critical-"  
  
"Tom!" he interrupted. "Is he...?" He didn't dare finish his  
sentence as his eyes searched for the pilot. He found him laying on  
the main biobed, unconscious, but still alive. *Thank you Spirits,*  
he sighed as he got to his feet.   
  
He looked at Janeway, grateful for the support she was giving him.  
He came closer to Tom and rested a hand on the young man's  
shoulder. Tom's condition hadn't changed. He tried to hide his  
disappointment at seeing him again, in his sleeping state.  
  
"Chakotay," B'Elanna began barely above a whisper. Her voice was  
a ghost of its usual strength and self-confidence. "Have you been  
able to make another connection with Tom?"  
  
"I have. You shouldn't have-" He was about to continue, but changed  
his mind in resignation.  
  
What was done, was done.  
  
Chakotay's eyes dropped on his friend's silent features again. He  
allowed himself an other sigh, before turning back them.  
  
"Tom isn't in the Winter Garden any more. It seems like he's  
reliving a part of his life, or a fantasy. I just don't know him  
well enough to know where the line is drawn. Except for what I saw  
back in the Maquis, what I know from his reputation and his record.  
Tom has kept his past mostly to himself. I learned things about  
him, I would never had imagine. The setting prevented me from  
confronting him and telling him that he is in coma before it was  
too late." The Commander paused and looked at all of them. "He's  
dying and if we ever want to convince him that he has to wake up  
and come back to us, I need to know more about him. I need to know  
who he *really* is."  
  
Janeway kept staring at him while he was speaking. She heard every  
word, understood their importance, felt there urgency, but somehow  
she didn't grasp their whole meaning.   
  
She knew too well that there were more to Thomas Eugene Paris than  
met the eye. She also knew that there were some damn good reasons  
for him to keep not only his past, but also his true self hidden  
under a tainted career, and a strong, cocky, arrogant persona.  
However, Tom's past mistakes were now buried under dozens of  
commendations, and the persona had started to slip and vanish. Tom  
had found his place on Voyager. The need to constantly protect  
himself had lessened over the years. The crew was now relying on a  
dedicated officer and a caring friend. Someone who was slowly  
letting himself be unwrapped by the power of friendship and love.  
They had learned a lot about him recently, but still so little.  
Would it be enough to help Chakotay bring him back.  
  
"Commander, we haven't discussed the possibility for you to go  
back, yet," the Doctor told him.  
  
"I have to. He needs my help. Tom is not only sick, here, he's sick  
in *his* reality, too. What's happening to him here, seems to  
translate itself by a relapse of his cancer over there, in his  
mind."  
  
"His cancer?..." echoed B'Elanna, understanding the implications.  
  
An uneasy silence fell between them.  
  
"If you feel you can discuss what you learned about Tom with us,  
surely we can find something that can help you, help him," Janeway  
finally conceded.  
  
"Like I said, I need to know more about him before I try to reach  
him once more."  
  
"Why don't we go to my office?" suggested The Doctor.  
  
Once in the privacy of the CMO's office, Chakotay started to relate  
his encounter with Tom in the market. He concentrated on every  
detail that he could remember: the season; the way Tom greeted him,  
treating him like a friend he had not seen for a long time; his  
shopping, his interactions with the merchants, and how everyone  
knew him and were aware of his tastes.  
  
"I asked him if he was still working for Starfleet. Tom answered  
that he did but more as a . . . consultant. He was working with  
Admiral Audrey Larsen, for the Missing Person Department. He  
actually refereed to her by her fist name."  
  
"Admiral Audrey Larsen suggested Tom to me for the mission,"  
Janeway said with some reserved. This conversation was taking a  
turn that was starting to worry her.  
  
"That would make sense if he was working with her; even more if it  
was for the Missing Person Department. My ship was missing," the  
former Maquis Captain pointed out. "I learned later on that he was  
really working for the Silver-Seas Foundation whom was  
collaborating with Starfleet."  
  
"The Silver-Seas Foundation?" asked The Doctor.  
  
"It's a civilian, non-political organization that provides  
humanitarian aid to people in need."  
  
"Didn't the Foundation make a name for itself when it brought aid  
to the people of the DMZ without Starfleet's consent?" B'Elanna  
inquired.  
  
"Yes, it did. Although, it's been around for more than 15 years,  
since the Irsian/Kimirian War," Chakotay responded. "Tom talked a  
lot about the War. I had the impression that he had been there."  
  
"He has been there," B'Elanna confirmed. "He has some family in  
Kimira. If he was working for the Foundation, could it explain why  
he was in the DMZ when you met him?" she asked.  
  
"I don't know, B'Elanna. Maybe, assuming all this is true,"  
Chakotay consented. "But, he did end-up in prison. Then again,  
Starfleet wasn't pleased with the presence of the Foundation in the  
DMZ. Tom said that he's known Larsen for many years, maybe she's  
a friend of his father's. Maybe she jumped on the first occasion to  
sent him free."  
  
"Don't mix Tom's father into this," Janeway warned. "Admiral Paris  
didn't do anything to help his son. That something I know for  
sure."  
  
Janeway paused weighing the implications of her next words.  
  
"Admiral Larsen is Tom's aunt: Audrey Breana Paris Larsen," she  
revealed. "Like I said, Larsen suggested Tom for the mission, but  
Admiral Netchev actually ordered me to talk to him. A fact that  
both Tom and I wasn't pleased with. Tom doesn't use a friendly tone  
when he speaks about the Admiral. He said that on the few occasions  
he met her, he never liked what she had to offer." She took a  
breath and changed the subject. "Still, I wouldn't be surprised if  
Tom was or is working for the Foundation considering that he  
studied in Port-Ayalexis."  
  
Chakotay shrugged as everyone stayed silent, still recovering from  
what Janeway had just told them.  
  
I'm still wondering how he managed to do everything," he said after  
a while. "Tom said that he had done his doctorate in Astrophysics  
at Yanka University in Port-Ayalexis. That surprised me. But, when  
he said that he had started a *doctorate* in criminology: that  
really threw me."  
  
"Two doctorates?" voiced the EMH.  
  
"Criminology?" asked B'Elanna.  
  
Janeway smiled sadly. "Tom handed in his dissertation in  
criminology before he joined Voyager," she said, taking everyone  
aback.  
  
"So, what your telling us is that Mr. Paris is a criminologist?"  
the EMH warranted.  
  
"He might be," Janeway answered. "Voyager ended up in the Delta  
Quadrant before he received the results." She smiled sadly again,  
knowing the time and the effort Tom must have put into it, and  
remembering her own dedication back at the Academy. "I read his  
paper. It was quite impressive."  
  
"What is it about?" asked The Doctor.  
  
"Different profiles of kidnappers."  
  
"Which must be rather useful for the Missing Person Department,"  
Chakotay granted. "You didn't know that when he first came onboard,  
did you?"  
  
"No, Tuvok brought it up to me when we considered sending Tom  
undercover. Tom and I had a few talks about his studies. He said  
that the work of his Aunt Audrey always fascinated him and that it  
motivated him to study in criminology. I know that he was on Kimira  
when he had the first relapse of his cancer. That's where he  
underwent the decytologenesis treatment."  
  
She paused for a sigh. They had learned a few months earlier, when  
Tom's cancer had relapsed, how devastating cancer could be and how  
difficult it was to treat.  
  
"Tom is always careful of what he confesses about himself," she  
went on. "Tuvok, on his part, told me that he had found intriguing  
facts concerning Tom, but since it was not a matter of ship  
security that he didn't see the point of disclosing them at that  
time."  
  
"Sounds like the Tuvok I know," grinned Chakotay. "One of those  
facts might just be coming and it's the most important thing of  
all. We were talking with the butcher, I don't remember his name.  
He mentioned Loreena and the children."  
  
"Solenn and Sayana?" asked B'Elanna.  
  
"You know about them?" came Chakotay's replied unable to hide the  
surprise in his voice.  
  
Janeway's caught herself with her mouth open. Tom definitely hadn't  
shared that part of his life with her. The Doctor remained  
uncharacteristically quiet while B'Elanna explained:  
  
"When Tom had his last brush with cancer, he told me. He had  
already turned to Samantha to talk about them. They've been friends  
for a long time, and being the only one with a child onboard, it  
was easier for him."  
  
"Were Tom and Loreena really married?"  
  
"Married?!" echoed the Captain.  
  
"Yes, they were for 6 or 7 years. The only thing I know is that she  
died tragically. Tom never talks about how it happened. It is a  
very difficult subject for him. When it comes to the children, he  
says that he knows that people who love them are looking after  
them. From what I understood, Tom gave up Solenn's custody to  
Adrian, Sayana's father, after Loreena's death. He said that it was  
the best thing to do under the circumstances whatever they were,  
and that it would prevent the Paris family from separating the  
girls. But, it was hard on him. He says that Naomi helps him a  
lot." She told them more softly, "He must I've been a great  
father."  
  
"He *is* a great father," Chakotay whispered. "If what I saw is  
anything like whatever actually happened, losing Loreena must have  
been devastating, and the children..."  
  
"If it can comfort you," said The Doctor. "You'll be happy to know  
that I gave Tom a message from them when I came back from the  
Alpha-Quadrant, given to me by Admiral Larsen. Tom received an  
other message from them by the array. It had been sent directly to  
me, hidden through some medical files."  
  
"Why, was it sent to you and not Tom?" asked Janeway.  
  
"There are apparently security reasons to it," The Doctor replied.  
"From what I understood, Tom and his family were in some danger  
before he joined Voyager, and he had to constantly look over his  
shoulder."  
  
"That would explain a lot about his behavior," voiced Chakotay  
wondering, like everyone else, what the danger might have been;  
what had happened to Loreena; and who was taking care of the  
children. "I feel like I'm walking on eggshells here," he admitted.  
"Obviously, Tom being married, and having children weren't meant to  
be common knowledge, and people back home seem to be very careful.  
I would hate to put the safety of the girls in jeopardy. Who knows  
when we are going to get home."  
  
"I agree with you, Chakotay," Janeway said. "We'll have to be  
careful. Who's Loreena?"  
  
Chakotay allowed himself a small grin, that he shared with  
B'Elanna.  
  
"Ricky, Tom's favorite holo-character, that seemed to have  
disappeared since Tom and I are a couple. He still runs her program  
from time to time. She has been a very important part of his life,  
and he misses her."  
  
"He made a holo-character of his late-wife," Janeway stated keeping  
her tone neutral, but still feeling surprised.  
  
"Actually," replied B'Elanna. "Ricky is the character of a play  
they did while they were taking acting classes together. Megan told  
me one evening that he was hanging with a holo-character and  
flirting with too many women at the same time, in order to keep  
everyone away. She even agreed to pretend going out with him for  
the sake of rumors. Although, he never gave her the real reason  
why."  
  
"I can hardly believe that," commented The Doctor. "He was quite  
attracted to Kes."  
  
"Kes was an other matter. Tom is the first one to tell you that he  
didn't handle that situation very well, but he would had never  
stepped between her and Neelix. At the time, he needed a friend  
other than Harry. A woman. Kes was kind to him, he misread the  
signals, and got himself in more trouble than intended. I don't  
think-"  
  
An alarm went off, cutting the discussion short. The Doctor was out  
of his office in two steps, followed closely by the three other  
officers. The Captain explained to the commander that Tom's blood  
pressure kept dropping dramatically. A few minutes later, visibly  
satisfied, the physician walked to them.  
  
"Whatever you do, Commander, I suggest you do it soon," The Doctor  
told him. "Tom's condition is deteriorating. He's extremely weak.  
I keep building back his stamina, but it's running thin. He can  
breath on his own, but I keep him on minimum respiratory support to  
lessen his effort. As you put it earlier, B'Elanna, time is running  
out."  
  
"Well," began Chakotay. "I could go back right now. The problem is,  
I'm not getting through to him. He sees me as a good friend, but  
nothing more. He made it clear that I don't outrank him anymore.  
Each time I tried to bring up the subject, something happened. It  
got very frustrating. He has all those defense mechanisms in place.  
  
He sigh, the time to look at Janeway.  
  
"I was hoping on you, Captain. Maybe... You should come with me.  
You entered the Spirit Plane many times before. Tom always looked  
up to you, much more than he did me. As far as he knows, you  
disappeared awhile back. Actually, your picture, along with the  
ones of the other members of the crew, serves as his office's  
wallpaper. For him, Voyager is only a bedtime story he tells his  
children at night."  
  
Janeway eyes flew on Tom's still form again. His skin was an  
unhealthy shade of white. She missed him. He had become a good  
friend over the years. She had seen her protge blossom in such a  
dedicated officer. She hated the simple thought of doing the rest  
of the trip home without him. Tom had too much to live for. The  
Doctor had made it quite clear that they were losing him. The fears  
she had felt for him, as she had left him in her ready room the  
week before, and when the anomaly had caused his condition to  
change yesterday, were tormenting her even more deeply. But this  
time, Chakotay was offering her a way to help Tom. To help her  
friend.  
  
So, she contacted Tuvok, briefed him on the situation, and turned  
Voyager over to him during her absence.  
  
"I still have so many questions, and things to tell you," Chakotay  
told them. "B'Elanna, is Tom a light sleeper? Because, he doesn't  
seem to sleep. If he does, it's very little. Everyone keeps telling  
him to rest and get some sleep. I was wondering if it was normal  
for him or if it was due to his condition."  
  
"Tom doesn't sleep much," B'Elanna answered. "I remember Harry  
saying that since Tom and I are together he doesn't get awakened in  
the middle of the night anymore. Apparently, Tom used to wake him  
up on a regular basis because he was restless and wanted company.  
Tom says that he doesn't need more than four or five hours of  
sleep. That all he usually gets." She looked at her commanding  
officers sadly. "Please bring him back."  
  
***  
  
It was a clear winter day. The mid-afternoon sun was shining on the  
snowed covered ground. Kathryn Janeway was mesmerized by the beauty  
of house by the sea, surrounded by a forest green pine trees. She  
was glad that Chakotay and herself had changed into warm civilian  
clothes. However, it wasn't warm enough. They had expected it to be  
autumn, not Winter. They walked on the front porch and rang the  
bell. A few minutes later, the door opened reveling Ricky. Janeway  
was stunned for a moment. *Not Ricky, Loreena,* she reminded  
herself.  
  
A smile appeared on Loreena's face when she recognized the  
Commander.  
  
"Chakotay! It's so good to see you," she greeted them. "Please come  
in. Don't stay in the cold."  
  
The first thing Janeway noticed when she stepped into the house,  
before the sound of the piano or the children's laughter, was the  
smell of freshly brewed coffee. She would definitively like this  
place.  
  
"Hello, Loreena. It's good to see you too. Let me introduce you  
Captain Kathryn Janeway," Chakotay replied happily.  
  
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Captain," Loreena told her sincerely.  
  
"Likewise. Please call me Kathryn."  
  
"Kathryn it is. So, how long have you been on Kimira?" Loreena  
asked.  
  
"Oh, we just arrived." Chakotay answered. "How is Tom? Last time I  
was here, you had concerns about his health."  
  
Loreena sighed sadly.  
  
"Is it the cancer?" Chakotay asked concerned.  
  
"It's not official yet, but it is trying to make a comeback. He has  
good days, and he has bad days." She sighed again, then abruptly  
changed the subject, on a more joyous tone said: "Tom will be so  
happy to see you."  
  
To the sound of the music, Kathryn followed Loreena and Chakotay  
through the hallway. The house was decorated with a lot of taste.  
The walls were painted a light green. A narrow band of wallpaper of  
small purple flowers and green leaves had been placed about five  
centimeters below the ceiling. A few steps later, they were in the  
living room.  
  
Kathryn eyes grew wide in amazement. The warm scene in front of her  
stole her heart away. She exchanged a smile with Chakotay and  
Loreena.  
  
There, in the far end of the room, near a window, Tom was sitting  
at a baby-grant piano, a little girl on his laps.  
  
*She has to be Solenn*, Kathryn thought.  
  
The sunshine was flooding through the room by the huge windows. It  
was making Tom's and his child's blond hair shine and the grey fur  
of the Himalayan's, laying on the piano, sparkle. Tom and Solenn  
were playing a song, and the trio stayed in the entrance silent,  
enjoying the sight and the soft music. At the end of the piece, Tom  
mumbled a few words to his daughter, who chuckled, then gave her a  
light kiss on the forehead.  
  
Loreena was the first one to break the spell by saying softly:  
  
"That was beautiful."  
  
And three pairs of blue eyes look up to them.  
  
They caught Kathryn by surprise. She was mesmerized. It was as if  
you could drown in the azure colored eyes of her pilot, his little  
girl, and their cat.  
  
"I hope were not intruding," said her male companion.  
  
"Of course not, Chakotay. Welcome back," Tom replied joyfully.  
  
His gaze focused on Kathryn and he smiled. He whispered something  
to Solenn, then helped her off the bench. Without wasting a second,  
the little girl rushed out the room. Tom rose and walked toward  
Kathryn. He took the hand that she was offering him.  
  
"Captain Janeway. I'm so happy to see you. It's been such a long  
time," he told her.  
  
"Tom," she said placing a hand on his upper arm. "I'm so happy to  
see you as well. You can't imagine."  
  
She felt overwhelmed at his warm touch, at seeing him standing in  
front her. It was so real. She pulled away a little. It was then  
that she noticed his appearance. He was a bit pallid and fatigue  
was showing on his face. It reminded her of the grim reality of the  
*outside world*. One look at him and she could tell that he was not  
well. Both Chakotay and herself knew that the clock was ticking.  
  
"Tom," she began squeezing both his hands. "This is not exactly a  
social visit. We need to talk to you." Her voice was soft, but it  
held the strength of command.  
  
"Oh? Well why don't we sit down?" he proposed.  
  
"I just made some fresh coffee," Loreena told them. "Care for any?  
  
They all nodded. Kathryn, the first one.  
  
"That would be great M'Love," Tom agreed, as he moved away from  
Kathryn and kissed his wife.  
  
Loreena left for the kitchen, on the other side of the living room,  
and the three officers sat by the fire place, under the watchful  
eye of the cat.  
  
Chakotay expected Solenn to show up anytime with something for Tom  
to do, but it never happened.  
  
Tom was sensing the uneasiness his friends were feeling and broke  
the silence.  
  
"So Captain, what can I do for you?"  
  
She met Chakotay's dark eyes and left him answered back.  
  
"Tom, it has to do with what I told you when I left you on the pier  
the last time I was here."  
  
The pilot was confused for a moment.  
  
"What did you told me on the pier?" he asked obviously not  
remembering.  
  
"Tom, this isn't real," Janeway answered. "Humor us, please. I know  
it sounds strange. You are the chief pilot of the U.S.S. Voyager.  
A week ago, Voyager was hit by an energy wave and the helm blew up  
in front of you. You have been in a coma for a week. Then, Voyager  
was affected by a special anomaly that affected the crew's brain  
waves. It rendered everyone unconscious and you woke up for a short  
while. But now, you're in a coma again."  
  
As she was talking, they say Tom's defenses fall in place. His  
features harden and his eyes darken into a shade of grey.  
  
"If I'm in a coma, what about you?" he asked incredulously.  
  
"It seems like the anomaly put you on another plane of existence,"  
Chakotay answered. "I entered in a meditative state and met with  
you in the Winter Garden."  
  
"Are you listening to yourself," he asked with disbelief. "A  
spatial anomaly that interfere with people's brain waves? Other  
plane of existence? Voyager... Voyager is a bedtime story I tell  
the children. What's the game your playing?" he finished  
dangerously.  
  
"It's not a game," Janeway defended dead serious. "Your life is at  
stake."  
  
"Tom, I believe that the bedtime story is one way for your mind to  
make sense of things, just like all the pictures on the wall of  
your office," Chakotay explained cautiously. "Those people are  
mostly from Voyager's crew: Tuvok, Neelix, Seven, Samantha Wildman,  
Joe Carey, the Delaney Sisters, Harry, and B'Elanna..."  
  
There was suddenly a flash of recognition in Tom's blue eyes.  
  
"B'Elanna..." he trailed of.  
  
"Yes, B'Elanna," Chakotay replied. "She loves you and she's waiting  
for you."  
  
Silence fielded the room. Clearly what they were telling Tom had  
some meaning for him. But, they could still read scepticism and  
confusion on the young man's face. Who could blame him.  
  
"Tom, what's going on?" came Loreena's concerned voice.  
  
The tall brunette was standing in the entrance of the room. God  
knew for how long. She was holding a serving tray with the coffee  
pot, four cups, and some milk and sugar.  
  
"Loreena, please come and sit down," Chakotay told her.  
  
The Commander helped her with the tray. Everyone remained silent  
as she served the coffee.  
  
***  
  
Their hearts heavy, Kathryn and Chakotay had moved to the kitchen,  
leaving Tom and Loreena alone together by the fireplace. They could  
still hear the soft voices of the young couple, despite themselves.  
They had told them everything they knew about their lives, mostly  
what they knew about Tom's. Sadness, fear, worry, grief and hope  
had played on their faces as tears had been shed.  
  
Kathryn and Chakotay had not learned much more about Tom's life  
before Voyager. His defense mechanisms, his confusion, and  
emotional blender were preventing him to answer even his own  
questions.  
  
"I can't do it, Loreena," Tom said, a knot in his throat. "I can't  
leave you and the children. I'd rather die. I can't believe I left  
the girls behind. What kind of father am I?"  
  
"You're the kind of father who does everything he can to keep his  
children safe," his wife assured him. "Tom, with everything that  
happened to us since Caldik Prime in order to find the truth I know  
you did the best you could do."  
  
She had been Tom's voice of reason all along, just like she must  
have been when they had been married.  
  
"Tom, you know that what Kathryn and Chakotay told us is true. It's  
the only thing that explains all those little things that just  
don't make sense."  
  
"I know."  
  
"You have to go back, M'Love. Our children are waiting for you back  
in the Alpha Quadrant. There's a woman on that ship who loves you  
and who's waiting for you too. You have friends who put their lives  
at risk in order to get to you."  
  
"Loreena," he croaked.  
  
"Oh, Tom you can't give up," she cried. "Not now. You can't do this  
to me. I... I can't stand watching you die not knowing that you  
can survive this. Don't let this damn cancer take you away Don't  
let *them* win."  
  
Kathryn looked up at Chakotay. His arms were resting on the Dinner  
table. Tears were running freely down his cheeks, such as hers.  
  
"Let *them* win?" she asked just above a whisper. "In order to find  
the truth since Caldik Prime?"  
  
Chakotay stared back her helplessly.  
  
"After tonight, I'll go," they heard Tom promised.  
  
"They said that time was running out for you, Tom," Loreena argued.  
"Forget the play and go back with them."  
  
"Loreena, I want to say good bye to the children. I want to do the  
play. I remembered it to be special. I want us to have that moment.  
Then, I'll go."  
  
"Tom... "  
  
"Please, Sweetheart don't argue with me."  
  
"Okay, after the play," Loreena agreed.  
  
Kathryn sigh in dismay. She could only hope there would be enough  
time.  
  
***  
  
"Adrian is here," Loreena announced to Tom and the children as she  
walked in living room, a tall man with brown hair on her heels.  
  
"Daddy!" called Sayana running into her father's embrace.  
  
"What wrong, Sayana?" Adrian asked tossing away his daughter's  
tears.  
  
His eyes met Loreena's sad ones and his expression grew sober. His  
gaze flew over Tom. His friend sat in a chair, Solenn in his arms.  
He then nodded to the two strangers standing in the entrance of the  
kitchen.  
  
"It's time," Tom told his children softly.  
  
"Noooo!" cried out Solenn. "I don't wanna go!"  
  
"Soleil, we talked about this," Tom calmly remanded the three-  
year-old little girl.  
  
"I don't wanna leave you," she sniffed. "I won't see you again."  
  
"I know Sunshine. But, you'll never be alone. And..." he swallowed  
painfully. "And daddy and mommy will never stop loving you and  
Sayana. You know that."  
  
The child nodded and burying herself in Tom's arm.  
  
"Do you have your magic blanket?"  
  
Solenn nodded again.  
  
"You don't need to be scared with your magic blanket, Soleil," he  
waited a few seconds as the cries of the child subsided. "Mommy and  
Sayana will be with you. Adrian, Claire, your aunts Christine and  
Victoria, and your grand-ma Hester will be there too. Will you go  
like a big girl?"  
  
"Okay Like a big girl," she agreed.  
  
Tom gave her a bear hug for the last time before letting her go.  
Loreena picked up Solenn in her arms as Tom invited Sayana in his  
embrace, lovingly kissed away each of her tears.  
  
***  
  
The play had been one of the best Kathryn had ever seen. The  
classic tale of forbidden love had never been played with so much  
emotions. Kathryn knew that Tom was a good actor. She had seen him  
pulled the wool over the eyes of the entire crew when she had sent  
him undercover. But, this just wasn't the same. Was it because they  
knew it was the last time?  
  
The audience had seen Tom become a totally different person. A  
young and passionate man displaying to all his unconditional love  
for a woman from a mystical world, bringing everyone to tears. All  
of them had been moved by the depth of the feeling between all the  
characters. And nobody had been immune to the love shared by Tom  
and Loreena. It had filled the theater to the rafters.   
  
Kathryn's heart swelled once more at the thought of having to take  
Tom away from this. He had created a perfect world, here. A  
wonderful and loving home. A home that once had truly been his own.  
What could have possible happen to her friend and his family?  
  
Kathryn and Chakotay were walking a little ahead of the young  
couple, to give them a little privacy. She could hear them laugh  
and gently tease each other about mistakes in the play that only  
they had noticed. She could feel their love from where she was, ten  
paces ahead of them.  
  
In that instant, she had another insight into Tom Paris. She  
suddenly understood with a vivid clarity the young cocky smart Alec  
she had met in the New Zealand penal colony. How he must have felt  
lost without this woman that he loved so much. How he must have  
jumped into the first opportunity to loose some of the pain, to  
forget some of the loneliness. Kathryn had known then, but was  
certain now, that the young man that had stepped on her ship as an  
observer was not cocky nor arrogant, just someone who had been in  
a lot of pain. Her heart went out to him.  
  
If she had known, maybe she could have been there for him, helped  
him worked through some of that pain. She knew what it felt like to  
lose a lover, and understood why it had taken Tom so long to really  
fall in love all over again. Kathryn realized how much she was  
feeling alone at that moment, and how she needed to feel close to  
someone. She extended her hand and slipped it into Chakotay's. He  
took it without hesitation nor question.  
  
They crossed the street and entered a park. Kathryn felt Chakotay's  
hand tighten over hers, as his whole body stiffened. He stopped  
dead in his tracks and look over his shoulder where he saw Tom and  
Loreena heading for the pond. His eyes fell back on her with a  
panicked look she never had seen in him before. His gaze shifted  
from the young couple to Kathryn as he told her that the park was  
the Winter Garden. Chakotay pointed the bench where he had met Tom  
earlier, and the icy pond where he had subsequently lost him.  
  
They started walking quickly toward them, when they saw the two  
make their way on the ice. Tom and Loreena were laughing, holding  
to each other's hands in order to keep their balance. Kathryn's  
blood ran cold as she felt the cool midnight air turn frigid. Her  
captain's sixth sense kicked in. Her gaze flew around the park, but  
she never saw from where the first shot of light came from as it  
hit Loreena. A fraction of a second later, another one hit Tom.  
Like rag-dolls shaken by a dog, they both twisted in their tracks  
and started to fall into the icy water.  
  
All hell broke loose.  
  
She heard Chakotay yell that this couldn't be, not again, as they  
ran toward the fallen couple.  
  
Men, clad in black came from every direction. Kathryn had never  
noticed them until that moment. For a second she thought that they  
were the assailants, but on their black jackets, she saw the  
Foundation's emblem, and she understood. They were bodyguards. The  
men had surrounded them, shielding them from further assault. They  
helped her and Chakotay to pull Tom and Loreena out of the pond.  
  
Kathryn knelt next to them as they were placing blankets over Tom  
and Loreena's bloody and frozen bodies. Despite his massive  
injuries, Tom was rapidly regaining his bearings. He reached his  
wife and cradled her in his arms.  
  
"Loreena, don't leave me again!" he cried.  
  
Blood was soaking the front of Loreena's coat. Even though he  
refused to admit it, he knew that she had just a few minutes left.  
  
"This is not what happened! This is not the night you died. Please   
I'm the one who's suppose to go, not you stay with me. I love  
you..." he pleaded.  
  
"I love you too." she whispered. Her gaze turned up toward Kathryn  
and Chakotay. "Tom, let go. Someone who loves you is waiting for  
you where Kathryn and Chakotay come from. Go with them, M'Love,"  
she painfully told him.  
  
Her last breath left her and her eyes closed for the last time, to  
the sound of the emergency vehicle arriving on the scene. Kathryn  
took Tom by the shoulders and pulled him back gently to give some  
room to the paramedics. But everyone knew that it was too late.  
  
She was gone.  
  
The bodyguards melted back into the decor as the sun rose. Before  
they knew it, they were left alone in the bright shining Winter  
Garden. The big blue Himalayan approached them quietly, and sat  
beside Tom.  
  
End of Part 4  
  
It took us three versions to finally come up with what we wanted  
to say. Loved it, hated it, please let us know.  
Big thanks to Amanda B. and PJ in NH for giving their support and  
Beta/reading this text.  
  
We know, Tom isn't awake yet. So, look for the last part of this  
saga: *In The Dark: Faith Has Led Him Through It*.  
  
Isabelle S. and Louise B.  
synbou@hotmail.com  
  
Copyrights June 1998 


	5. Faith Has Led Him Through It.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: My personal experiences with coma always led me to  
wonder: where does the soul go when the brain can't function  
anymore? Well, I was to young to remember anything, so I'm left  
with my sole imagination...  
Isabelle S.  
  
DISCLAIMER: Tom Paris and Voyager's crew belongs to Paramount.  
However, all unrelated characters and places, meaning the  
residents of Port-Ayalexis, belongs to US. So here's a another  
take at what could be Tom Paris' secret life.  
*Faith Has Led Him Through It.* is the 5/5 of the *In The Dark*  
Saga. This is P/T story, Rated PG..  
Big thanks to Sarah McClaclan who inspired me for the new title.  
  
Synopsis: Tom finally wakes up, but what does he remember? Will  
he be able to answer everyone's questions?  
  
In The Dark: Faith Has Led Him Through It.   
By Synbou Synbou@hotmail.com  
  
  
Tom's vitals had crashed.  
  
B'Elanna felt the world collapsed around her as everyone's fear  
struck without any warning. On their end, the conditions of the  
Captain and Chakotay were alarming, but at least not life  
threatening... yet.  
  
The young woman clenched her teeth as Harry tightened his hold  
one her shoulders. They were standing a few feet away from the  
main biobed, out of the doctor's way, as the physician was  
desperately trying to get Tom's heart beating again.  
  
"Come on Tom, stay with us," Harry pleaded.  
  
B'Elanna looked up at her lover's best friend. His features were  
tight, his eyes were flooded with unshed tears. The ones she  
had managed to hold inside started to tumble down her cheeks as  
well. She knew he was feeling as helpless as she did -- the  
same damn feeling of helplessness that had haunted her all week.  
She felt her anger building up inside. She wanted to scream her  
pain, her frustrations, and her fear. Unable to stand it anymore,   
she quickly turned on her heels only to meet Harry's dark eyes  
once more. In that instant, all of those emotions vanished,  
leaving her with an even more dreadful sense of lost. She let  
Harry take her in his embrace and buried her face in his  
shoulder.  
  
*It can't end like his!* her mind screamed. *You told me, you  
didn't want to die like this.*  
  
She didn't look back while the Doctor administered a cardio   
electric shock to Tom's dying body again, once... twice... her   
own heart missing a beat each time.  
  
B'Elanna did not pay any attention to all of the activity around  
her. Her mind wandered off. She remembered Tom's blue eyes,   
the many inflections of his smile, his strength, the gentleness of  
his touch, and the passion in his kisses.  
  
"We have something," Wildman informed the Doctor, trying to keep  
her voice calm and professional.  
  
"10 ccs of Tricordezeine," the EMH ordered.  
  
It took some time for her to realize that Harry was talking to  
her softly.  
  
"B'Elanna,... B'Elanna, we have him back," he was saying.  
  
"We do?" she asked afraid to turn around, as if the very action  
would make the news unreal.  
  
Finally, she looked up into her friend's dark eyes. Tears had  
streaked his cheeks. He nodded and gave her a sad smile.  
  
B'Elanna faced towards her lover. The Doctor and Wildman were  
giving her hopeful looks. Yes, Tom was alive, she could see his  
chest slowly moving.  
  
*But for how long?* she could not help but wonder.  
  
Everyone stepped away, leaving her alone with him. She sat   
down on the chair beside his bed and cried for a while. This  
was awfully hard emotionally for all of them, especially her.   
  
***  
  
*Go with them, M'Love,* she told him.  
  
His heart was breaking. How could he ever do that? How could   
he leave her? He loved her so much. She had been his life line   
more than once.  
  
And then, she was gone.  
  
He was the one who was suppose to go, not her.  
  
Everything started to fade away in the growing light of the  
breaking new day, except for the pain. The intense pain that was  
burning inside. The only thing he could do at that point was rely  
on Kathryn and Chakotay's strength, love, and support. But, even  
they had to leave him, promising that they would be waiting for  
him at home, on Voyager.  
  
Being alone with Mr. Blue was somewhat comforting. The purring   
of the big Himalayan cat as soft on his aching soul, as reassuring  
as the peacefulness of the shining Winter Garden could be. He   
knew he had to leave too. He had made a promise to Loreena.   
But, making his way back was so difficult, near impossible. It   
felt so far away...  
  
It was like he was under water. It wasn't that he couldn't  
breath, but a pressure was holding him back. He had to   
push against it to get to the surface. Many times he thought   
of giving up, to stay at the bottom forever. It had been nice   
there. However, a will even stronger than his, disguised as a   
woman's voice, had caught him in its spell, just like a sailor  
would   
have been entranced by a mermaid.  
  
He remembered Loreena's voice. How much it had charmed   
him, seduced, and comforted him. Despite himself, her voice was  
getting farther away now. It was more of a memory fading away  
as another voice was taking over, sounding closer and clearer.  
  
"We almost lost you... again." She took a deep breath, swallowing  
a hiccup.  
  
"Tom keep fighting, I know you can. You have to come back to us."  
  
So much sorrow, he realized. "The Captain and Chakotay, are  
awake now. They told The Doctor and myself everything....  
Losing Loreena like that most have been so difficult for you.  
And leaving your children behind for a second time... I know it  
must be painful and that you might not want to come back to us."  
She paused for a second, breathing deeply. "But Tom, you have  
too. There's always a chance for you to see them again. At least,  
that's what you keep telling me. For them, for yourself, and for  
us, you have to open those beautiful blue eyes of yours I miss so  
baldly. We need you too much. I love you and I can't live without  
you." She looked around, then screamed: "You can't die! You hear  
me, Tom?!"  
  
That he heard. loud and clear. Wasn't he awake?  
  
He surely felt alive. He was aware of the air filling his lungs.  
It's coolness on his shivering skin. The numbness of his body  
was almost painful. Despite his will, he could not move a inch,  
not even open his eyes. Oh, how much he wanted to reach her,  
to touch her, and to say something that would chase all of that  
sadness out of her voice.  
  
"It's been so difficult for the Captain and Chakotay to tell us  
what happened to you," she started again. "I have never seen   
them so sad before. I never seen them cry. Well, maybe Chakotay   
once or twice, but never like this..."  
  
He could remember Kathryn and Chakotay crying, too. His   
friends had shared his grief at leaving his little girls behind,  
and...   
Losing his wife. They had been there, and yet they hadn't really   
been there. His memories were no longer making sense and the   
confusion he felt was overwhelming. He listen harder to her voice.   
She had been so comforting.  
  
"When they woke up, we told them that your heart had stopped   
for a few minutes," she was relating. "Chakotay, thinks that it  
probably coincided with when you got shot. The Captain started   
to cry at that point and so did Chakotay. He opened his arms   
and she let herself be held by him." She paused. "I'm glad they   
are supporting each other like this. I think that little trip into  
your *world* brought them closer."  
  
She let out a harsh breath. She got up and walked around,   
clearly frustrated.  
  
"I wish you could hold me too," she cracked.  
  
"I wish I could... "  
  
The words had melted in his mouth like in a dream. He   
wasn't even sure he had said them. The voice had barely   
sounded like his.  
  
The silence that followed worried him even more.  
  
***  
  
"I wish I could..." a low and ruff voice had replied.  
  
The four words had the same effect as a tone of bricks on  
B'Elanna. She stopped dead in her tracks. She had heard   
Tom's voice. It had been a shadow of his usual timber, but   
it definitely was the one of her mate.  
  
She turned toward him, and got closer to his bed. His eyes were  
still closed, but she could see that he had stirred. Carefully,  
she sat beside him on the bed, took one his limp hands in   
hers and put her left one on his forehead, stroking gently.  
  
"Tom," she called. "Tom, it's me, B'Elanna. Can you talk to   
me again?. I know, it's hard, but keep trying. Try to squeeze   
my hand."  
  
Tears of joy raced down her face, tears as she was rewarded   
by a slight pressure on her right hand. She looked backward.  
  
"Doctor!" she hollered.  
  
"What's wrong?" the EMH asked immediately running out of   
his office.   
  
"Tom is waking up," she cracked.  
  
"B'Elanna..."  
  
There it was again. His voice. It filled her heart with so much  
happiness and relief, it was indescribable.  
  
"Yes Tom, I'm here," she assured him. "Everything is going to   
be all right. I promise."  
  
***  
  
It had been three days since Tom Paris had woken up from his  
coma. He had slept most of the time. He was tired, his condition   
had affected his heart and left him a lot thinner, but he felt much   
better. The pallor of his skin and the dark circles under his small   
blue eyes were also shadows of the last week.  
  
Still, the Doctor conceded and allowed him to return to his  
quarters, making him promise to avoided any strenuous   
activities and to call him at any sign of discomfort. With his   
holo-emitter, the EMH had pointed out that he would be   
able to answer house calls if needed.  
  
So, in Captain Janeway's company, Tom left sickbay for his  
quarters, a deck below. They walk slowly, making sure not to   
tire him. It gave them the time to talk to each other, which they   
had not really had the chance to do, yet.  
  
Chakotay had gave Tom a short summery of the events they had  
witnessed, the day after he woke up. He had made sure not to  
overwhelm him, saying that they would have plenty of time to talk.  
  
Tom had been too confused and tired to argue about anything. But,  
he had to admit that this situation had disturbed him greatly, and  
he   
had passed most his waking moments musing about the issue.  
  
"Kathryn, this is so confusing," he sighed. Then, he bit his  
lower lip. "Sorry, Captain. See what I mean?"  
  
"Kathryn is just fine," she told him with a smile.  
  
"I have a hard time keeping all the stuff in my head straight."  
  
She grinned at his choice of words.  
  
"You'll have to give yourself some time, Tom." She searched   
for his gaze. "And, let us help you if we can."  
  
He smiled at her for respond.   
  
"We understand, that we may have seen things of a sensitive  
nature. You know that everything we learned will be kept  
confidential? Even top secret if you feel it is necessary."  
  
"Nothing was top secret, just not common knowledge."  
  
She smiled a little in understanding.  
  
Finally, they arrived at his quarters. B'Elanna and Chakotay   
were waiting for them, along with a multitude of 20th Century   
balloons and greeting cards from every department.  
  
Tom smiled as he looked around. These four walls had never felt  
more like home than at that very moment. For a fleeting second,  
he wished that his children could be here too.  
  
He pulled away from Janeway and walked over to the couch on his  
own, where B'Elanna was waiting for him. He sat down beside her  
and placed his arms around her. She smiled at him, giving him a  
little signal that it was okay with her for him to tell his story.  
  
"You must all be wondering about my life with Loreena and the  
children?"  
  
"Tom, you don't have to talk about this right away," B'Elanna  
told him softly. "You can wait until you're feeling stronger."  
  
"No... no, I want to do this, today," he replied nervously. "I  
need to clear the air so to speak."  
  
His friends simply nodded in understanding.  
  
"Oh hell, where do I start?" he sighed burring his face in his  
hands. "So many things I want to tell you. You're my friends.  
I trust you. You deserve to know."  
  
He eyed them thoughtfully. This was going to be hard. Needing  
some space, he got up and went to the window. He could tell   
by the speed of stars passing by that the ship was traveling at   
warp six. It distracted his thoughts for a spilt second from all   
the images that was haunting his mind once again.  
  
"Loreena, she... died... a few weeks before I entered the  
Maquis."  
  
He could feel their gazes falling on him and refused to meet them.   
He was about to open old wounds that were not only his own,  
but B'Elanna and Chakotay's too.  
  
"Actually, it all started after Caldik Prime, which put a radical  
end to my Starfleet career. Loreena was already working for   
the Silver-Seas Foundation and I later joined the Missing   
Person Department. With Aunt Audrey as head of department   
and Starfleet's attache, it hadn't been hard to arrange."  
  
Loreena was my salvation. I don't know what I did to deserve   
her. She stood by me, gave me her support, and loved me, even   
in the worst moments. She helped me so much in accepting my   
mistakes and facing the demons, doing what my family could   
barely consider.  
  
*  
  
With Loreena's daughter, Sayana, we settled in Port-Ayalexis  
despite the constant conflicts between Kimirian and the Irsians.  
Loreena being from Kimira, it allowed her to stay near her family.   
We had rented an apartment in the city, near the university. I  
don't   
know how I managed everything, but at one point, I was studying   
criminology with Dr. Henley, teaching astrophysics with Professor   
Semak, doing my job at the Foundation along with Aunt Audrey,   
and planning a family with Loreena all at the same time. We had   
already became Gael's foster parents.  
  
So, with a new baby on the way, we eventually moved to Seal   
Cove. We had found an old house that had survive the war.   
With the help of some friends, we rebuilt it. That had been great,   
but that year turned out to be pretty awful.  
  
"Not feeling well, aren't you", Loreena told me as I walked in  
the kitchen one morning.  
  
It had took all my willpower to drag myself out of bed, clean  
up and change before finally meeting my wife down stair for the  
morning meal.  
  
I sighed.  
  
"I feel like I haven't slept for weeks."  
  
"You do look tired and pale, even a bit feverish," Loreena  
observed. "You have too many things going on right now.   
You have to slow down, Tom. If you don't, your body   
will force you to take a break."  
  
"Well, one thing is certain, Gael will have to find another  
partner for mountain climbing for a while anyway," I said   
sitting down at the kitchen table. "It's been almost a week   
since our last trip and I'm still aching in every joint."  
"What worries me are those bruises all over your body,"   
she admitted. "You should go see a doctor."  
  
She put two mugs of fresh brewed coffee on the table.   
Then, she gently touch my forehead. My skin was warm   
and a little clammy.  
  
"Tom, you really should go see a doctor," she insisted after   
a minute.  
  
I frowned and was about to protest when my eyes met her   
worried gaze. She had that puppy face of hers that could  
bring me to my knees in a heartbeat. I had to concede. I   
made an appointment with Doctor Burgers for the beginning   
of the afternoon, then went to work.  
  
You know what it is like when everything seems to go the   
wrong way. I arrived at work that morning, late obviously.   
Audrey and Paul Wagner, the department's counselor, were   
waiting for me in the Admiral's office.  
  
"Sorry, I'm late," I apologized taking a sit beside Wagner.   
"It's been one of those morning..."  
  
"You're okay?" asked Audrey concerned.  
  
"Sure, just tired," I replied. My glare flew from Paul to   
Audrey. They had unusual solemn expressions. "What's   
wrong?"  
  
Audrey took a deep breath, then her lips tighten before  
answering:  
  
"We found Klory Mel's dead body early this morning in  
the Catacombs."  
  
"Same place?" I asked.  
  
Audrey just nodded as I heard Paul deep sigh of dismay.  
  
"Hell" I breathed. "It's the third child this month. Do her  
parents know?"  
  
Klory Mel was a six-year-old Kimirian girl who had   
disappeared four days earlier. A little girl not much older   
than Sayana. Paul and I had led the search team, one   
taking over when the other's shift was over. We had   
become close with the Mels, like it was often the case   
with next of kin and friends of missing people. We   
shared their fears, grieve, and, helplessness, but also  
their joy and relief on many occasions.  
  
But this time, it was far from being a happy ending.   
Both Paul and myself had the painful duty of informing   
the parents that their child was dead. That she had been   
murdered and that her body had been found in the   
Catacombs beneath the city.  
  
I never go use to that.  
  
The meeting with the Mels was heartbreaking. I had to   
fight with myself to prevent my body from shaking from   
the sadness and anger we were all feeling. It became so   
overwhelming at one point that it was physically painful.   
I had to leave the room.  
  
Once in the hallway, I started shaking. I remember walking   
a few feet, but my knees gave out and I dropped to the   
floor. I was in so much pain. Every inch of my body was   
hurting. I had to remember to force air into my lungs. That's   
how Audrey found me. I woke up in the hospital a few   
hours later.  
  
So, my cancer was back and Loreena was more than five   
months pregnant. It became very clear that I would probably   
never see my daughter. Well, thank God for probabilities and   
this amazing luck I have for beating the odds.  
  
Doctors Webber and Burges came to Loreena and I one   
day with one last option, a dreadful weapon, in the battle   
against my leukemia.  
  
Decytologenesis: a reconstruction of the cellular DNA.  
  
Hell, it sounded like suicide. But, I was dying anyway,   
wasn't I? The doctors were giving me maybe a week left.   
If Solenn hadn't been born a few days before, I doubt I   
would have agreed to undergo the procedure.  
  
They put me in a tube -- they call it a chamber, I call it a  
coffin -- in which I was strapped and deprived of any   
chemical pain killer. This thing lasted five days.  
  
It was so bad.  
  
I was losing my mind. I remembered a time when I was five  
years old and that I had locked myself in a closet for a full  
half hour while playing hide and seek. I thought I would die   
in that tube. I *wished* I would die in there. The only thing  
that kept me going was the though of one day being with my  
little Soleil, my Sunshine. Loreena had actually brought Solenn  
to me before I left for the Decytologenesis chamber.  
  
Obviously, by pure luck or maybe faith, I don't know what   
to believe anymore, I made it. With Loreena and the girls'   
love and the constant support of my sisters and friends, life   
came back to normal.  
  
"Normal?" Paul had shrugged the night of my 'welcome   
home party'. "Sorry pal, but I don't think you ever had   
a normal life."  
  
Sandrine who had made the trip from Earth for the   
occasion, added with a smiled:  
  
"I always thought that Tom's definition of *normal*   
would be 'etre mal dans les normes', normal..."  
  
"Being uneasy or even bad in the norms...?" I asked   
incredulously.  
  
"I think that what Sandrine means is that you don't fit in the  
norms,"  
  
Loreena clarified. She laughed. "It suits you fine."  
  
The only dark spot on the picture that really mattered to   
me was the rocky relationship I was having with my father.   
Damn the man could be stubborn! He would never past the   
fact that I had lied about the accident.  
  
Another thing I never been able to talk to him about, not   
even to Mother, was the fact that I had almost died of   
cancer. Doing so would have had brought up my first   
leukemia. The one that I had suffered while I was at the   
Academy. For good reasons, so I believed, we hadn't   
mentioned it to my parents. My father was still recovering   
from his torture from the Cardassians. I didn't think he   
needed another source of stress, especially knowing  
that I would be cured in less then three weeks.  
  
"Thomas," my older sister Victoria argued. "What if...   
what if you don't make it this time. We'll have to tell   
them."  
  
"I know, Vicky," I agreed. "But, you don't have to tell   
them that I had it before. It probably doesn't make much   
sense." I sighed. "I wish they could be here. I wish I didn't   
feel like I had to keep all this hidden from them. I   
know they love me. I love them too, but I don't have   
the strength to meet with them, right now. Not under   
these terms."  
  
Well, the terms went from bad to worse, with my father   
anyway. My sisters argued that they deserved to know   
that they had a grandchild. So, we relented. I had planned   
to meet with Mom and Dad alone first, then to introduce   
them to Solenn. They had met Loreena, but they didn't know   
that we were married. The meeting didn't go well to say the   
least. For my father, I was a big deception. I was a disgrace to   
the Paris family. I was a liar and already a traitor in his mind.   
I didn't deserved to have the Paris name. So I left without ever  
mentioning Solenn and with the strong conviction that she   
would never use the Paris' name herself. Not unless my father   
and I ever made amends, which would be close to a miracle.  
  
*  
  
"Both your parents still don't know that you have a daughter?"  
Janeway asked surprised.  
  
Tom gave her half a smile. Putting away his half-eaten bole of  
pasta, he replied: "They know, now. They learned about it  
recently." Tom stopped and took a deep breath, wondering   
for a few seconds, if he should go on. "In Dad's letter, the one   
I *officially* never received, Dad told me of how he met the  
girls. The Doctor had already told me, since it happened when   
the word got out that Voyager's EMH was back from Delta   
Quadrant and that I was still alive."  
  
"That you were still alive..." Janeway echoed. "Did somethin  
happen to the girls?"  
  
"They're fine and they're safe," Tom assured all them.  
  
"But what did really happened to Loreena?" Chakotay asked.  
  
"What happened to Loreena," Tom repeated. He sighed   
heavily. "What happened to Loreena really changed my   
life."  
  
*  
  
I had gotten a call from Gael's teacher that *my angel*   
had skipped classes again that day. He had started to   
return to his old habits a few weeks before. I assumed   
that he was with his friends roaming around the underground   
city on some treasure hunt. So before I left the Foundation,   
I contacted Loreena to let her know that I would stop by   
the Catacombs on my way home. I couldn't just leave him   
there knowing that a child killer was still on the loose.  
  
I was going down a dark and humid tunnel that I knew   
would lead me to the old community hall when I started   
to hear voices. I was glad I had found Gael so quickly since   
it was getting late. In my head I could already picture the   
confrontation we were going to have again. However, Gael   
and his friends weren't the ones I found.  
  
As I was getting nearer, I could tell the voices were the   
ones of older men. Some had Kimirian accents, others   
didn't. I slowed down my pace and listened. I felt   
adrenalin rushed through me as I could make out pieces   
of the conversation.  
  
"The Morning Mist is one of the most effective biological   
weapons the Irsian developed during the Irsian/Kimirian   
War," a Kimirian was saying. " It would be highly effective   
on Cardassians."  
  
The Morning Mist had been dropped on Kimira a little   
more than four years earlier, killing thousands of people   
and bringing the population on its knees, almost forcing   
the government to surrender the war.  
  
I entered the community hall quietly and hid behind some   
rocks. From where I was, I had a fairly good view of the   
exchange between two local smugglers, two humans that   
seemed awfully familiar and a Bajorian. I brought out my   
video phone from my jacket and started filming the scene   
as if it was any other of my regular crime scenes.  
  
"Those weapons sound very interesting, Make your price."  
  
Peter? Peter Elliot...?  
  
Hell, I knew that man. I had actually gone to the Academy   
with him. The other, I suddenly recognized from a list of   
ex-Starfleet officers turned Maquis I had seen a few days   
earlier. Peter had made it to the rank of lieutenant and his   
friend had been nothing less than a captain.  
  
I couldn't believe it. There I was in the Catacombs, kneeling   
in the dirt behind some rocks, witnessing an old friend buying  
biological weapons for the Maquis. I really had to curse my   
luck. I kept on recording until I heard familiar voices and   
laughter coming from the tunnel behind me. Oh God! Gael   
and his friends were coming down this way. I had to stop   
them before they [reached] the hall. Quickly and carefully,   
I stepped back into the tunnel and ran toward the kids.  
  
'Tom..." Gael began surprised to see me there and visibly  
embarrassed by the fact that he had been caught were he   
wasn't suppose to be.  
  
I automatically brought a finger to my lips asking the silence  
from the four of tem.  
  
"We're getting out of here, NOW," I whispered while urging   
them toward the surface. "Try to be as quiet as possible."  
  
"What's going on?" one of them asked.  
  
"Move," I simply ordered.  
  
So, in silence we started to make our way up. I was closing the  
line we had formed along the wall. I was constantly looking over  
my shoulder. I couldn't tell if the Maquis had heard the kids   
coming as I had. My adrenalin was running high. I was so   
tense that I could feel cramps in my stomach. I had to bring   
these kids to safety and give the still recording tape to the   
proper authorities. Hell, the Cardassians might not have been   
my favorite people in this universe, but I had seen what the  
Morning Mist had done to the Kimirian. No one deserved that.  
  
I don't know what I saw first, his phaser or his eyes. For one  
brief moment, Peter and I made eye contact. He knew who   
I was as much as I knew who he was.  
  
When he saw the video phone that I was holding in his direction,  
he fired the first shot which hit the wall. The kids started  
screaming. I told them to run faster and stay close to the wall.  
The Maquis were getting closer.  
  
Pain streaked like lightning through my back. I fell hard on the   
ground. My already short breath completely left me. My eyes  
started watering as I was desperately fighting to stay conscious.  
The tunnel turned even darker as total blackness threatened me.  
The fear of the Catacombs becoming my grave ran through my   
mind. I felt strong arms picking me up and forcing me to my feet.   
Air painfully filled my lungs the moment they got cooperative  
again.  
  
"Stay awake, Tom," I heard Gael plead. "Come on. We're almost  
there."  
  
"Out. We split up when we get out!" I harshly ordered.  
  
Finally we saw the light at the end of the tunnel. We ended up   
in the east side of the park. The cold wind of the late fall was  
raging making everything crack and fly in its wake. Feeling  
steadier on my legs, I told the kids to stay in pairs and run in  
different directions while I was heading toward the Foundation.  
  
I had just reached the frozen pound when I saw Loreena in the  
other side.  
  
My heart skipped a beat.  
  
"Tom! Tom, are you all right?" she called out to me over   
the wind.  
  
"Loreena! Take cover!."  
  
I started making my way on the icy surface. I could tell the  
Maquis were still behind me. I was almost on the other side when  
I lost my footing and fell on the ice. Before I knew, Loreena was  
by my side.  
  
"Oh my God, Tom you're hurt," she said taking a hold of me.  
  
"People are chasing me..." I said.  
  
"Chief Ryan!" I heard her call the security officer. "We need  
help, here!" helping me to get on my feet, she explained. "When  
neither you or Gael were coming home, the Chief and I decided  
to go looking for you."  
  
"I wish you hadn't," I cracked.  
  
Hell, I wish she hadn't...  
  
A beam of light shined through the darkness. I heard Loreena   
cry out as it hit her.  
  
I don't remember being shot again, before we both fell through  
the ice.  
  
*  
  
From the window were he stood, Tom took a deep breath and   
wiped the tears that had tumbled out of his eyes. In silence, his  
friends just did the same. Lips tightly shut, knots in their  
throats,   
sniffing and sobbing, no one could trust himself or herself enough   
to speak. A heavy silence filled the room as everyone took in all   
of what Tom had shared with them. For Tom, Kathryn and   
Chakotay, the memory of a similar night after an evening at the   
theater flashed back through their mind. Now they knew what had   
been real, and what had been the fiction.  
  
"Why?" Tom finally cracked. "Why did she died and not me? I...   
I was shot twice and she was in better health than I was. I don't  
understand."  
  
"My people calls it Fate'," Chakotay offered knowing that it   
was hardly a consolation. "Life had other plans for you. Plans   
that would lead you to the Delta Quadrant."  
  
"Were you able to give the video phone to the authorities?"   
Janeway inquired.  
  
"Apparently, I had dropped it the first time I fell on the ice.  
It slide a few meters away from me which saved it from ending at  
the bottom of the pound. The smugglers got caught, but the  
Maquis had probably already left Kimira by the time the recording  
was viewed."  
  
"Did you joined the Maquis to find the men who had killed  
Loreena?" B'Elanna asked.  
  
"Eventually," Tom answered. He paused, licking his sudden   
dry lips." After Loreena's funeral in Seal Cove... I embarked   
on a ship for Earth with the girls where Adrian and Claire were   
waiting for them. Gael asked to stay in Port-Ayalexis. He was   
sixteen years old and the city was his home. Despite my  
reservations,   
I accepted. So he went and stayed with my sister-in-law, Gwanna.   
I knew that she would be able to look after Gael and give him the   
support he needed probably better that I ever could under the   
circumstances."  
  
"From what Chakotay and I saw, I thought that Adrian and Claire  
were living on Kimira," Janeway said.  
  
"They did for a few years. But, by that time, they had moved to  
Earth where they received interesting offers from a new  
independent news broadcasting company."  
  
Tom sighed heavily and bit his lower lip repeatedly while trying  
to keep his emotions in check.  
  
"Adrian, Claire, Loreena and I had agreed that whatever happened  
to us, that we would never separate the girls. And after what had  
happened, keeping the girls with me would only have put them in  
danger, so Sayana and Solenn went to live with Adrian and Claire."  
  
The fear of never seeing them again caught up with him once more.   
His voice cracked. He was unable to withhold his tears any longer.  
  
"This wasn't planned to be permanent and I stayed in contact with  
them and Gael until... the Delta Quadrant." He paused again in  
order   
to gather his thoughts. "After I left the kids, there wasn't that  
many   
places I could go. I ended up at Sandrine's where I met with a  
certain   
Maquis captain who was looking for a good pilot and had heard that   
he could find one there."  
  
Tom had to crack a smile when he saw Chakotay's expression.  
"So your saying, that you infiltrated my crew too but as a  
Foundation agent?" the Commander asked in disbelief.  
  
"Well, yes and no. wasn't there to expose you or bring you  
down. The only thing I cared about was to find Elliot and the  
canisters of Morning Mist, if possible. But, I was asked to map  
out the Badlands for when Voyager would be commissioned."  
  
"You knew I was coming to get you in New Zealand, didn't you?"  
Janeway asked more as a statement.  
  
Tom smiled a little.  
  
"Yes, Captain. I was expecting you before you even got your  
orders."  
  
*  
  
"Que vas-tu faire, maintenant?" Sandrine asked.  
  
What was I going to do now? I had a fairly good idea.  
  
I had passed a little more than three weeks with the kids at   
Adrian and Claire's. They needed me as much as I needed   
them. It allowed me to see that they settled well and give me   
time to recover a little from my own wounds, both physical   
and psychological. I mean, what do you do once the heart  
of you universe is taken away from you?  
  
Meanwhile, friends who were in the DMZ started looking around  
for Elliot and those canisters of Morning Mist that had been in  
the Catacombs. When one of our operatives disappeared, it was   
my cue to regain a more active role in all of this mess knowing  
that  
it would be the only way for me to bring a sense of closure. In  
addition, Audrey, always looking at the big picture, had kindly  
asked me to map out what I could of the Badlands, while I was   
on my *personal mission*.  
  
A few hours later, I was sitting alone at a table, a bottle of  
whiskey in front me. I saw him enter, out of the corner of my  
eye. His gaze flew around the room and he came straight in my  
direction once he had spotted me. Sandrine winked at me.  
  
His name was Chakotay and he confirmed everything that I had   
been told. And that's how I got onto a Maquis ship en route for   
the DMZ. Once there, I started looking around and asking   
questions, trying not to rise too much suspicions. I wasn't there   
to make friends and I acted accordingly. I had built this fence   
between Chakotay and myself so he would only ask me to do   
what I was paid for, nothing more, nothing less, giving me leisure   
time to go on my *personal mission*.  
  
I had took a habit of hanging around low-life bars, no one ever  
paid attention to anyone in one of those and people tended to  
talk. Recalling the reputation I had gained after Caldik Prime,  
it helped me to the extent that playing drunk and wallowing in  
self-pity had never been too difficult to fake. On top of  
which, I had actually gotten drunk and wallowed in self-pity a  
few times.  
  
One night I found Him.  
  
Elliot had just walked in the bar of my choosing that night.   
Oh! and what a bar this was, if could call it that. The lighting  
was at the minimum and dimmed even more by the thick smoke.   
The place carried the smell of at least a hundred beings, none of  
which who had recently been washed. And when it came to the  
liquor, well it was watered down, but it was the cheapest around   
-- which made the joint the most popular in the sector.  
  
In my fake drunken haze, I observed Elliot discreetly taking to  
some people all evening. Once he left, I started fallowing him  
through the dark narrow street of the outpost. I gotta to tell  
you that a million things were going through my mind as I was  
doing so. I had been searching for that killer for weeks now,  
and I had imagine lots and lots of nasty ways to torture him so  
he could suffer as much as he had made my family suffered. But  
in truth, I didn't have a clue of what I would do once I actually  
had him.  
  
I followed Elliot to the spaceport where he entered into a  
large warehouse. The building had no windows making it difficult  
for me to know what to expect inside. So, I took out my  
tricorder. The scans indicated that there were two individuals at  
the far end of the building. I could easily enter and hide behind  
variou things without being noticed. Once I had made sure that  
I wouldn't trigger any security alarms, I entered the building.   
The place was illuminated by a few big lamps coming from the   
ceiling. There [were] two small spacecraft park along one side   
of the wall. On the other, containers and pieces of equipment   
were piled up o the roof. I made my way toward the far end of  
the building holding on tightly to my tricorder with my left hand   
and my phaser in the right one.  
  
The stuff those people had gathered in there was amazing. There  
were medical supplies, food, clothing, survival gear, spare  
parts for various equipment and crafts, tricorders,, site-to  
site transporters, weapons of all sizes, and... and the canisters  
of Morning Mist. Oh, hell, it couldn't get any better than that.  
Still, I stood there a few moments like an idiot wondering what I  
was going to do, go after my prey or get the Morning Mist and  
get out of there?  
  
Well the first phaser shot pretty much settled my priorities  
straight.  
  
I took cover in the shadow of a shelf piled high with an eclectic  
mixture of stuff. It did the job of protecting [me on ]one side  
while I protected my other side with my phaser.  
  
Acrid smoke rose and stung my nostrils, as phaser fire hit and  
disintegrated a number of stuff. It was a very good thing the  
the canisters of Morning Mist were out of the line of fire. If  
only one of them got hit, everyone with in ten kilometers of  
the warehouse would be dead in a matter of seconds. And it   
was not something I wanted to ever see again. And then again,   
I wouldn't live long enough to see it.  
  
I didn't notice that the guys had split up and that one of them  
had made his way behind me until a phaser blast singed the edge  
of my right ear. I spined towards it, putting my back flat  
against the shelf. I didn't have time to ask myself what I was  
going to do next when I heard a fourth phaser burst. The guy on  
my right crumbled. Well, at least that side was safe, or was it?  
I had no idea of the identity of my savior until the smoke  
cleared enough so I could see his pointed ears.  
  
"Nice shooting, Tuvok," I commented.  
  
What was Chakotay's tactical officer doing there? Well, if we  
could get out this place alive, I figured that I could ask  
questions later.  
  
I gave a small smile of appreciation to the Vulcan before  
reaching the canisters of MorningMist. Without saying  
anything, I presented two of the four canisters to Tuvok and   
took the other two. We carefully started to make our way   
out of the warehouse. Tuvok was a few feet ahead when I   
suddenly heard a noise behind me. I half turned on my heels   
to see Elliot coming into the alley searching for us phaser in  
hand. In a split second, he and I eyed each other. I saw his   
gaze falling on the canisters. Hell, where was my phaser when  
I need it? Elliot just shrugged at me, and slowly began to make   
his way backward. The guy wasn't stupid. It wasn't in his best   
interest to shot at someone who was holding two canisters of   
a biological weapon.  
  
When I turned back toward the exit, I met up with Tuvok who   
was programming coordinates into a site-to-site transporter.   
I smiled as I saw the familiar blue sparkles take us to another  
place.  
  
*  
  
"When Audrey found out where I was and what I had, she  
promptly arranged to have me returned to Federation space."  
  
"So that's how you got arrested so quickly," Chakotay said.   
"I always wondered about that."  
  
"Well, getting caught wasn't my idea. I wasn't considering my  
business with Elliot to be over yet. But, they never ask my  
opinion on the subject. Meanwhile Elliot and a few others were  
arrested as well. When some their buddies tried to have their  
way with me on my way home, Audrey asked me to sit back   
and go along. They needed me to testify at Elliot's trial, so they   
couldn't afford to loose me. And, I couldn't afford to put the  
children and the rest of the family in danger. So, I ended up in   
New Zealand. To quote Audrey: 'Auckland was good a safe   
house as any'."  
  
"And me taking you out of prison for a special mission, was  
Admiral Larsen's way of getting you back in into the mainstream  
without raising any suspicion?" Janeway offered.  
  
"Pretty much sums it up," admitted Tom.  
  
"If Elliot and his buddies are in jail," B'Elanna began. "Where  
does that leave you?".  
  
"Elliot wasn't the leader of the Maquis cell who bought the  
Morning Mist. As far as I know, they are still out there. The  
only proof I had against them was the recording I took in the  
Catacombs. I guess they don't know that."  
  
"Did they tried to kill you in New Zealand?" Chakotay asked.  
  
"They did and they recently try to get to the girls," Tom  
confirmed.  
  
"You must be so worried," Janeway said sympathetically.  
  
"I'm trying not to think too much about it," Tom replied with   
a sad smile. "I know that they are surrounded by people who   
love them, that can support them and care for them." He took  
a deep breath. Throat tight and trying to keep his tears at bay,   
he went on: "One day... I can only hope that one day, we will   
be together again and that you'll have the chance to meet Sayana,   
Solenn, and Gael."  
  
"I know that I'll be looking forward to that," Janeway stated.  
  
"Thank you for sharing all of this with us," Chakotay told him  
solemnly.  
  
"I only wish I had known back then, maybe I could have help."  
  
"Well, you are all helping now, " he assured them. "And like you  
said, Chakotay: life had other plans for me... Fate and maybe a   
little bit faith have led me through it."  
  
***  
  
The doors of the turbolift opened and Lieutenant Tom Paris and   
Commander Chakotay stepped on the deck leading to the Mess  
Hall. Tom sniffed the air and frowned.  
  
"Why is it that after all this time, I still worry about what Nelix  
is   
going to serve us for lunch?" he asked.  
  
Chakotay chuckled.  
  
"May be we should put you in the kitchen," he suggested. "As  
I recalled, you're quite good."  
  
"Thanks, but no thanks," Tom replied. "The galley is a little too   
far from the helm."  
  
"Which reminds me, you never really told me what brought   
you to study criminology? Isn't that little far from the helm of   
a starship, too?"  
  
"In order to use it later," Tom simply answered.  
  
"Oh, I'm sure you were the perfect criminal," Chakotay said.   
"Seriously, Tom, what motivated you to do a dissertation on   
the profiles of kidnapers?"  
  
The doors of the Mess Hall opened in front of them which   
gave Tom the time to collect his thoughts.  
  
Naomi was the first in the mess hall to spot him. She got up   
from the table where her mother and her were eating and   
ran in his direction.   
  
"Uncle Tom!" she called from across the room, before   
coming running toward him.  
  
"Hi there my Little Star!" Tom greeted her happily, scooping   
the child in his harms.  
  
"Mommy said you were sick," Naomi said sadly.  
  
"Well, I'm all better," he assured her.   
  
Then Tom looked up but not directly at Chakotay and   
told him:  
  
"Being the victim pushed me to study criminology."  
  
"You mean, you were kidnaped? When?"  
  
"I was just a little older than Naomi," he said. "But that,   
commander, is an other story."  
  
  
The End  
_________________________  
  
Well, this is it for *In The Dark*, but probably not for this  
universe. Thanks for staying with us until the end.   
Big thanks to Amanda B. and PJ in NH for their support and  
proofing the stories.   
  
Synbou is always interested in feedback, so don't hesitate to   
let us know what you think of the story.   
Isabelle S. and Louise B. (A.K.A. Synbou)   
Synbou@hotmail.com   
  
copyrights @ September 1998. 


End file.
